The New Red Band 'Game of Thrones' Trailer Shows Us Nothing

This is getting ridiculous.

A new season of Game of Thrones means a bunch of different teasers and trailers and tricks and oh God, just let us have it. We’ve got theories on theories, we’ve got a trailer that implies every character on the show will die, we’ve got publicity shots giving away whole character arcs, and promises about subverting our stories with even more subverted stories. Honestly, if you want us to have this much information about the show, just give us the show. This is reaching the point of satire, and we’re all tired this evasive dancing.

If you’re happy to be a part of this exercise in frustration, well, join me in unpacking the new “Red Band” trailer for season 6. Is it Red Band-y enough? Is the Red Woman Witch in it? What of violence — is there a pleasurable amount? Is Jon still in the snow?

Christ. April 24th cannot get here soon enough.

The new trailer features a pretty on the nose musical choice with “Wicked Game,” performed by James Vincent McMorrow, but who cares? Game of Thrones isn’t known for nuance and neither is its marketing.

We’ve got a bunch of familiar faces here, including most of our main characters, moments after we left them in season five. The Queen of Dragons is still a prisoner and Melisandre is second-guessing her Fire God, which okay, that’s pretty interesting— and I do want to see where that goes. We also have this shot of the easiest Where’s Waldo of all time:

Otherwise, almost every line from the trailer seems like dialogue right before a fight begins — which implies we might get back into the trademark bloodshed that previously defined the show — so the promise of action is nice when you don’t feel like showing us anything. Again, I think we got more spoilers from the publicity photos than we’re seeing here.

Not even sure what qualifies this as Red Band? There’s a shot of side-boob, but nothing particularly sexual or violent. Mostly people with swords and/or horses yelling/threatening other people with swords and/or horses.

This did nothing for me, but like many of you, I think I’m just burnt out on this parade of tiny media bursts. Did anything make you go “oh wow” in this trailer? I’ll give it up for that shot of Cersei Lannister’s undead Frankenstein friend, because I cannot wait to watch him tear shit up this season. Otherwise, I think I’m maxed out. Just give us the show, HBO. Stop playing this wicked game — oh, I see what you were doing there.

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