The sworn testimony of former FBI director James Comey before the Senate Intelligence Committee on Thursday about the the federal investigation into President Donald Trump’s ties with Russia covered a variety of topics, but there were a few he adamantly refused to touch; namely, the infamous “golden shower” tape and anything related to it.

Comey made it clear early on that he wasn’t going to mess with the unconfirmed rumor of Trump participating in a golden shower.

Senator Richard Burr, a Republican from North Carolina, first brought up the Steele dossier, a salacious, unproven memo that alleged, among other things, that Trump himself was vulnerable to blackmail by Russian intelligence because foreign spies had a tape of him facilitating or participating in urine-based sexual activities in the Moscow Ritz-Carlton hotel.

“At the time of your departure from the FBI, was the FBI able to confirm any criminal allegations contained in the Steele document?” Burr asked.

“Mr. Chairman, I don’t think that’s a question I can answer in an open setting. It goes into the details of the investigation,” Comey answered.

In other words, Comey is not explicitly denying that there’s a pee tape.

WASHINGTON, DC - JUNE 08: Former FBI Director James Comey (L) is greeted by Senate Intelligence Committee Chairman Richard Burr (R-NC) (R) and ranking member Sen. Mark Warner (D-VA) before a hearing in the Hart Senate Office Building on Capitol Hill June 8, 2017 in Washington, DC. Comey said that President Donald Trump pressured him to drop the FBI's investigation into former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn and demanded Comey's loyalty during the one-on-one meetings he had with president. (Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images)
Former director Comey, on the left, greeting Senate Intelligence Committee Chairman Richard Burr, on the right, and ranking member Sen. Mark Warner (D-VA) (in the middle) before his hearing.

Burr continued, after a few tangential questions: “When you read the dossier, what was your reaction given that it was 100 percent directed at the president-elect?”

And once again, Comey declined to answer in public: “Not a question I can answer in an open setting, Mr. Chairman.”

Here’s a screenshot of the report, for reference: 

Screenshot from Steele Dossier about the Trump Piss tape.
The real victim here is the poor sap who has to clean the room. 

Unfortunately, Comey was clear: He’s not going to talk about the pee tape, because the details of the dossier are still too sensitive to be discussed in an open setting.

Trump fired Comey on May 9 during the middle of an ongoing investigation into potential ties between the Russian government and the Trump campaign and administration. Unfortunately for the absurdist comedy routine of American politics at the moment, Comey’s tacit refusal to get into the pee-tape rumors means the ongoing testimony will focus on the president’s interactions with Comey surrounding his firing, and not the existence of a possible videotape of the President of the United States watching sex workers pee on a bed in the Moscow Ritz-Carlton.

Watch the full hearing below.

Photos via Getty Images / Drew Angerer, Screenshot