New Smart Condom Tracks Thrusting Speed, Girth, and Other Sex Stats

Dong data.

Pretty much everyone can agree that sex is great, but you know what would make it even better? Data. Sweet, sexy data.

Luckily, there’s a new, smart condom that could change lovemaking forever. The device — a little ring that fits snugly around a penis — measures the wearer’s thrust speed, tracks their position, determines girth, and measures the temperature of their dong, to name a few tricks.

The device, the i.Con Smart Condom, was created by British Condoms. It’s currently available for preorder for £59.99 (about $75), though the company says it won’t be accepting payment until they have a hard release date, which should be sometime this year.

“Have you ever wondered how many calories you’re burning during intercourse?” the company asks on the product page. “How many thrusts? Speed of your thrusts? The duration of your sessions? Frequency? How many different positions you use in the period of a week, month or year?”

The i.Con Smart Condom also turns sex into a literal dick-measuring contest since British Condoms says you can compare your sexy time statistics to other sex-havers around the world. The device stores data anonymously, but anybody who wants to shout “I JUST HAD SEX” into cyberspace is welcome to share their data and compare their prowess with others.

Tapping data ass.

British Condoms

The ring, which comes with a one-year warranty, is reusable, thank goodness. It sits at the base of the penis and uses a nano-chip and sensors to track the wearer’s fornication. Owners can charge their i.Con Smart Condom with a micro USB. It charges in an hour and can maintain a charge for “6-8 hours worth of ‘live’ usage,” which, frankly, sounds like an insanely long time to fuck.

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