J.K. Rowling’s Pottermore is finally giving us a way to answer the question we’ve had all along: “What’s my patronus?” We know our Hogwarts houses, our Ilvermorny houses, and were chosen by our wands, but only now can we finally defend ourselves against Dementors.
The quiz itself is short — less than ten questions that lead you through a cold forest we assume is of the Forbidden variety. Each question is timed, forcing you to go on gut instinct and choose the one-word answer that appeals to you most. It’s very similar to the quizzes of Pottermore past, with heartwarming answers such as “dream,” “improve,” “hope,” etc. Enchanting music follows you around alongside a fluttering Tinker Bell-esque cursor that drips magical glitter.
It’s exactly as idyllic as expected. You hold down the cursor, move it, and release at the end of the quiz to “cast” your patronus, just like the real wizards we all know we are.
Naturally, the internet is freaking out. Lists are being compiled, and there are some truly unexpected patronuses being cast out there in the world. Sure, there are foxes, rats, owls, unicorns, and wolves, but some get ridiculously specific. There are particular breeds of dog (West Highland Terrier, Irish Wolfhound) or cat (Nebelung, Ragdoll), some are certain snakes (Black Mamba, King Cobra), the horses differentiate between mares and stallions, and the occasional magical creatures pops up (unicorn, erumpent). We’re sure more will reveal themselves in the near future.
But we’re also sorry to report that, despite the variety, the patronuses are exactly what you would expect. They’re animals, even if some are extremely specific animals. Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber are not options, no matter how incredible that would be.
Sidenote: Don’t forget to load up on chocolate before taking on any Dementors. Expecto Patronum!