It’s July 4, and this year, John Oliver has gifted us his reflections on Last Week Tonight about the American Revolution – and what the settlers gave up when they declared independence. The show has taken a break from its regular Sunday scheduling on HBO, so the special episode was uploaded directly to the show’s YouTube channel.
“Since 1776, you’ve done very well as a nation,” Oliver said. That doesn’t mean that everything is great, though.
“These beautiful vowel sounds could have been yours!,” he said. “You speak like you’ve just burnt your tongue on a hot apple pie.”
Other areas in which America has missed out include bowler hats and meat-filled pies. Oliver described the latter as “a lot like British people themselves: a hardened outer layer gives the impression of composure, but under the surface it’s just a hot fucking mess.”
Oliver also said that the U.S. misses out on the consistent pessimistic outlook the British have. Instead, America has an eternal sunny optimism, something that has somehow managed to evade British public life entirely.
“Even the sun is incapable of asserting itself there,” Oliver said.
Despite all these things, however, Oliver admitted that it’s probably not worth declaring allegiance to the Queen or anything. “Honestly, you are probably way better off the way things are,” he said.