The Star Wars Original Trilogy, But Everyone's a Porg
The second Last Jedi trailer blew fans away, as it wowed everyone with epic visuals, pulled on their heartstrings by showing Carrie Fisher’s General Leia in peril, and teased Rey’s unfathomable turn to the Dark Side. But, by far the part of the trailer that had fans talking the most was a quick shot of a porg screaming in the Millennium Falcon’s cockpit.
Folks either loved or hated the new addition to the Star Wars canon, but the majority who liked porgs really fuckin’ liked ‘em. The porg was probably the best part of the trailer, and porgs might end up being the best part of The Last Jedi.
So, if porgs make The Last Jedi better, it stands to irrefutable reason that the addition of porgs would also vastly improve previously released Star Wars films. That’s why, in the spirit of George Lucas, Inverse has gone back and edited porgs into the original trilogy for what we’re calling Star Wars: The Porg Special Edition.
Hell, yeah, baby. Porgs are already being compared to ewoks for being “cute” additions to the Star Wars universe. Subbing one in for Wicket W. Warrick in Return of the Jedi just makes everything that much better.
There’s no way Luke Skywalker would’ve been able to bring himself to cut off a porg’s arm in The Empire Strikes Back!
Han Solo famously said “this is no cave” in The Empire Strikes Back, but what if instead of being a space slug, the Millennium Falcon had been in the belly of a porg? Think about it.
Listen, its so dark underneath jawas’ hoods that for all we know, the guys in A New Hope were actually porgs the whole time.
Jabba the Porg. Nice.
Lucas already changed what Emperor Palpatine’s hologram looked like for the 2004 special edition of Empire. All we’re doing it is changing it again so that this time, it’s Emperor Porgatine
Dengar! You know, your fourth-favorite bounty hunter in Empire Strikes Back. Probably would like him a whole bunch more if he was a porg, right?
Instead of communicating through bleeps and bloops, the porg version of R2-D2 in A New Hope chats with C-3PO by screaming. A marked improvement, imho!
What does Darth Vader look like underneath his helmet in our version of Return of the Jedi? A porg!
This entire post is a sin.
Star Wars: The Last Jedi hits theaters on December 15.
If you liked this article, check out this video about the two huge twists revealed in The Last Jedi trailer.