Jason Statham Could Defeat Megalodon by Frightening Small Whales

In March 2018, all your brutal, bombastic, and wet dreams will come true by way of Meg, a movie in which Crank’s Jason Statham will battle a megalodon. Statham plays rescue diver Jonas Taylor, who has been tasked with the job of saving a deep-sea crew at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean from a 70-foot-long prehistoric shark. Now, researchers have provided the former English competitive diver with a way to use science to defeat his toothy foe. All he needs to do is drive away the megalodon’s food source — small baleen whales.

This hack comes by way of a new study on the extinct giant shark’s dietary habits in the journal Paleogeography, Palaeoclimatology, Palaeoecology. In it, a team of researchers explain that they uncovered the fossils of dwarf baleen whales in southern Peru. These fossils have bite marks that the researchers credit to the megalodon and consist of the first hard evidence of a megalodon attack. The fact that megalodon had a penchant for snacking on these small whales, the researchers believe, directly connects to their ultimate downfall.

A cast of megalodon jaws.


That’s because climate change drove the extinction of the small whales, which in turn drove the extinction of the megalodon. While the over 50-feet long megalodon were huge — they had a penis the size of a great white shark — they were still constricted by diet and the fact they couldn’t migrate away from their warm coastal climate. Larger whales moved out to sea to evolve into creatures even larger, and the megalodon died out.

Which brings us back to Meg: If we accept that in this cinematic universe the megalodon somehow didn’t become extinct 2.6 million years ago, then we can also presume that Meg is snacking on its favorite treat, five-foot long whales. If Statham really wants to rid the waters of megalodon for good, then he’s going to have to figure out a way to get rid of its food source. No small whales; no megalodon. Whether that’s scaring them away, or destroying the Paris climate change agreement to spur warming seas, we’re sure he’ll get it done.

Good job, Jason.

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