The most recent Game of Thrones episode saw the Iron Islands having their Kingsmoot. As we predicted, the scene was hardly meaningful to non-readers, considering the fact that Euron Greyjoy is a cartoon character mixture of Donald Trump and every Andy Samberg bit. But impressively, he managed to drop more references to penises than both men combined. Because we’re nothing if not thorough in our Game of Thrones coverage, we present a definitive ranking of his dick-comments, on a scale of 1 through 10 ranging from “mildly funny” to “never speak again.”
“I’ll give the fleet to Daenerys Targaryen along with my big cock”
This comment is all about his Trump-esque tone and drunk fratboy gestures. Proclaiming he’ll win the Queen of Dragons with his gigantic cock is so over the top, even the guy behind him is thinking, “dude. DUDE. Really? Come on.” You can’t help but smile at its outlandish absurdity, so this is by far his funniest comment. I give it a 2.
‘Gallivanting?’ Is that the sort of thing you say when your dick gets chopped off?
This one is sauteed in homophobic undertones, glaze with a condescending finish, and served rare. We’ll rank it in the middle as a 5, because his gestures are a meme just waiting to happen.
“I even heard you have no cock. Explains why you think a woman can be king.”
This one is straight-up misogyny, and it’s unoriginal and boring at that, so it ranks a “never speak again” 10.
As Euron Greyjoy has threatened the lives of several sympathetic characters in addition to his penis-obsessed rhetoric, we can only assume he’s going to be the last one standing to claim the Iron Throne, in the story’s ultimate final twist.