First we have the current odds that former host of The Apprentice Donald Trump, who is the presumptive Republican nominee for president in 2016, which is still a completely batshit thing to actually happen, will choose any of these people to be his VP candidate.
The odds work like this: “+300” means that the bettor will return $300 profit on every $100 wagered, plus the original stake. +500 will return $500 profit every $100 wagered, plus the original stake, and so on.
Let’s start with the best odds for VP and work our way down the least likely choice. Below each candidate is a zinger from Trump.
John Kasich +300
Did you see him? He has the news conference all the time when he’s eating. I have never seen a human being eat in such a disgusting fashion. This guy takes a pancake and he shoves it in his mouth. It is disgusting. Did you want that for your president? I don’t think so.”
Chris Christie +400
“It was unbelievable. He was like a little boy: ‘oh, I’m with the president.’ Remember, he flew in the helicopter and he was all excited to be on the helicopter. I said, I would have put you in my helicopter — it’s much nicer.”
Nikki Haley +800
“The people of South Carolina are embarrassed by Nikki Haley!”
Susana Martinez +800
There’s no direct insult leveled by Trump, but the New Mexico Governor wasn’t happy with these comments he made about Mexican immigrants: “They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems, they’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime and some I assume are good people,” Trump said. Martinez reacted this way: “Oh my God in heaven. Those are horrible things to say about anyone or any culture, anyone of any ethnicity. I mean that is uncalled for completely.”
Jeff Sessions +800
No insults here. In fact, the Alabama Senator endorsed Trump and he in turn named Sessions his national security adviser.
Newt Gingrich +1200
No insult, but Gingrich has called Trump stupid before. “For Trump to get sucked into this at a personal level, tweeting about or repeating a tweet, technically, about Mrs. Cruz is just utterly stupid,” Gingrich told Fox News in March.
Marco Rubio +1200
Trump turned insulting Marco Rubio back in March into an art. Here’s just one of his insults of “Little Marco”: “I will be using Facebook and Twitter to expose dishonest lightweight Senator Marco Rubio. A record no-show in Senate, he is scamming Florida.”
Ted Cruz +1400
All the way to the end of Cruz’s campaign on Tuesday night, Trump leveled some of the best schoolyard insults in history. He dubbed him “Lyin’ Ted,” a nickname that stuck. He even insulted the personal appearance of Cruz’s wife. One of his final insults to Cruz was truly bizarre: “[Cruz’s] father was with Lee Harvey Oswald prior to Oswald’s being, you know, shot. Nobody even brings it up; I mean they don’t even talk about that.”
Mary Fallin +1400
No insults here! In fact, he’s suggested she might make a good VP and he’s endorsed her. Still, the odds are long.
Ben Carson +1600
Dr. Ben Carson has the longest odds. During a feature-length speech back in November, Trump attempted this sick burn on Ben Carson: “…he wrote a book. And in the book he said terrible things about himself. He said that he’s pathological and that he’s got basically a pathological disease. Now he wrote this I guess before he was running for office or thought that he was running for office. And I don’t want a person that’s got pathological disease. I don’t want it. I’m not saying he’s got it, he said it.”
And here are the odds for Hillary Clinton, the presumptive nominee:
Who Will Hillary Clinton Name As Her Vice Presidential Nominee?
Julian Castro +250
Tim Kaine +400
Elizabeth Warren +700
Martin O’Malley +900
Sherrod Brown +1000
Tom Perez +1100
John Hickenlooper +1500
Cory Booker +1500
Brian Schweitzer +1600
Bernie Sanders +1600
Joe Biden +1600
Evan Bayh +1800
You've read that, now watch this: "Cybersecurity Under Donald Trump"