The Rufus Cuff, much like the Apple Watch, is a cool technological innovation that unfortunately can’t escape broadcasting douchebag vibes. It is a tablet for the wrist, complete with GPS, and Bluetooth and Wi-Fi capability. It also sports a camera for video conference calls and selfies and bills itself as “more than a smartwatch: a wrist communicator.”
If you truly want to partake in the wrist-communication revolution, be our guests — not everyone got punched enough in junior high, we understand. Here’s how to justify your love for wearing the Rufus Cuff.
1. You are James Bond. Because Bond can do what he wants, and he needs his gadgets.
2. You work five different jobs and watching a movie while you jog is truly the only way you’d ever be able to find the time to indulge in any form of entertainment.
3. You are Petyr Baelish and you time-traveled to the present. Because Littlefinger’s got to keep himself organized, and this is something a present-day Littlefinger would definitely wear.
4. You want to upstage your colleague because he already has nicer business cards than you and beat you to reservations at Dorsia. He’s already got an Apple Watch, so by damn, you’re going to beat him at something.
5. You wear your heart on your sleeve. In a USA Today review of the product, Jennifer Jolly writes that Rufus Cuff’s CEO Gabe Grifoni “insists that there’s a growing market of Millennials and Gen Z’ers — people between the age of 18 and 30 — who want their entire online lives to live on their wrist and they want it now.”
Maybe that’s accurate? Maybe it’s something other than accurate.
6. You want to be a Douchebagbuster, which is a job you have because you missed the deadline to apply for the Ghostbusters. The best way to lure them out is to blend in.
7. The apocalypse comes. Because everyone will have much bigger things to worry about than who is and isn’t a douchebag. Alternately, if you’re the only one left, then nobody will be around to know.
8. You are the kind of person who wears sunglasses indoors. At night. Because this guy definitely is.
9. You are actor Brandon Routh. Because he’s pretty jazzed about Rufus Cuffs.
10. A shadowy villain with a vague Eastern European accent is threatening your family unless you wear one.