Finally, the much-anticipated Avengers: Endgame has arrived, a film destined to hang around the top of the box office for weeks and be on the lips of everyone even mildly interested in Marvel, superheroes, or anything remotely related to popular culture.
We have reached a point in which Marvel and its cinematic universe are so popular that there are adult toys devoted to its characters. That’s right: adore The Hulk? You can get a raging green dildo inspired by the lovable monster. Admire Captain America’s chivalry, honor and respect? …well, you can buy a star-spangled butt plug. Yup.
In preparation of the epic conclusion to Iron Man, Ant-Man, Black Panther, Thor, and the rest of the team of superhero all-stars’ battle with purple people-eater Thanos, you need to pick up these MCU-themed sex toys from GeekySexyToys.com and really show how, um… intimate you are with the series.
Like Thor yields Mjolnir to vanquish Loki, Ultron, and Hela, you can use Moan-lnir to conquer your latest… dry spell. Made of 100% body-safe silicon, this totally waterproof toy is a godly seven inches of insertable thunder.
Made of top grade stainless steel, and with an insertable length of 2.5 inches, this Rocket Raccoon-inspired butt plug brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “nice tail.” Its weight of 60g and circumference (at widest point) or 3.5 inches ensures this toy will guard your galaxy just right.
Thanks to the Agent Getsmeoff Masturbator, inspired by Black Widow, you can experience what it feels like to get caught in the totally badass Russian Assassin’s web. Made of nontoxic, phthalate-free super-skin material for the most realistic feel, this three-speed masturbator includes a USB charger and an internal length of six inches.
Is your own personal Bruce Banner not doing it for you anymore? You need this 8.5-inch long, 7.8-inch wide, green, hulking, Incredible Dong. Handmade using 100% body-safe silicon, this toy ensures the only smashing that will be going on in Avengers Mansion is the pleasurable kind.
Allow Thanos to snap your sexual frustrations away with this Infinity Fist. With a total length of 9.5 inches and a widest circumference of 10.25 inches, this handmade, waterproof and body-safe silicone dildo will restore balance to your pleasure.
Hawkeye may be undergoing a makeover in Avengers: Endgame but this strap-on compatible, handmade pegging dildo pays homage to OG arrow-slinger of the MCU. The six-inch insertable, firm toy has a slightly curved tip for even the most average of archers to use successfully.
Ok, so Deadpool may not have been invited to be part of those faptastic Avengers goody two-shoes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t gear up for Endgame by throwing a few greenbacks down for a Merc With A Mouth-inspired bondage kit.
Cuff your loved one’s hands to the bed posts, shut them up with a hypoallergenic silicon ball gag, guide them on all-fours around the room with a 20-inch lead and 13.5-16.5-inch collar, and dish out some fun punishment with a soft, faux-leather flogger…all inspired by God’s favorite idiot.
Yes, the most wholesome superhero in the MCU has been immortalized with a handmade, 3.5-inch long, 4.25-inch wide butt plug. This body-safe toy will inject some star-spangled kink into the bedroom and fill the gape in your sex life.
Much like the egocentric billionaire genius that inspired it, the Arse Reactor is bright, vibrant and showy. Made of top-grade aluminum alloy, this plug is available in two sizes: small (insertable length of 2.5 inches, maximum circumference of 3.5 inches and weight of 53g) or medium (insertable length of three inches, maximum circumference of 4.25 inches and weight of 90g).
Even cooler? The base glows in the freaking dark, making the bottom in your relationship feel like a superhero, too.