In the second season of the Netflix series Stranger Things, it’s Halloween 1984 in the sleepy farm town of Hawkins, Indiana. And Tina, who I guess is one of the most popular girls in school, throws a massive Halloween bash at her parents’ house, inviting everyone (except Jonathan) to “come and get sheet-faced.” Because that’s just what teenagers do, according to ‘80s movies.
Here’s the thing: Halloween in 1984 was smack dab in the middle of the week, a Wednesday. The show stays true to this piece of ‘80s history because everyone in the show goes to school the next day. Of all the crazy nonsense that happened this season, this blew my goddamn mind, because who the hell rages on a Wednesday night? What are those kids thinking?
I’m not saying it’s unrealistic for teenagers to party hard. They totally do. I’m just saying, on a Wednesday? Bullshit. No one wants to do anything on Wednesday. A crazy Wednesday is eating great leftovers for dinner. An amazing Wednesday is making plans for the weekend, which is when Tina should have held her amazing ass party.
Look, I don’t mean to be an old man waving a finger at a bunch of fictional teenagers (also, I’m 25). I also admit I wasn’t super popular in high school, and I was too responsible in college to go HAM on a school night, so maybe I’m just jealous and ignorant to this part of youth culture. (See also: Vans Warped Tour.)
But, Jesus, look at these kids. Hawkins went harder in one night than I did all four years of college.
It’s not just Billy who is going nuts either. Everyone is on something. Peep the caveman, officially my favorite character in the history of Stranger Things.
Tag yourselves, I’m the disco-dancer in the Magnum P.I. costume.
Like eight people make out while vodka’s flowing like a waterfall. Tina is going to be super popular in college if she throws parties like this one.
Look how much fun Drunk Nancy is having spinning in circles.
You get my point, Tina didn’t throw a high school party. She threw a legendary rage fest they’ll be talking about for generations to come. It is also straight up impossible for a party like this to happen in the middle of the week. That’s for college, when you’re away from the reach of your parents so you’re free to chug Patron and shuffle into Sociology 201 when you’re dead to the world. That makes sense! That happens! But in high school, when you actually have to go home to mom and dad? Absurd.
Also, everyone knew about Tina’s party. She gave out fliers in the hallway. I don’t care if it’s the ‘80s, no one did that. It’s a liability. When the whole Class of ‘85 is absent or throwing up in the hallway, everyone knows where they were, and that kills parties forever! None of this makes sense!
I don’t care if there is nothing to do in Hawkins. No one parties this hard in the middle of the week. I know the show is called Stranger Things, but a sick-ass soiree on a school night has to be the strangest.
Stranger Things is now streaming on Netflix.