The office of Vice President of the United States is the second-highest executive position in America, a political institution that has — you know what, it doesn’t matter. The office of the VP is mainly just for memes. It is Friday, and FunnyOrDie’s utterly convincing website for Vice President Mike Pence is back.
The site, www.offficialmikepence.com, is being widely misinterpreted as a hack, and because the year 2017 follows absolutely no rules of logic or history, I wrote half of this article before realizing it that it is not, in fact, Mike Pence’s official website, but rather an extremely funny joke website set up by Funny or Die. According to the Internet Wayback Machine, the site has existed in some form since at least April 1, but appears to have jumped back into the Twitterverse on Friday after some users noticed it and assumed it was a hack.
But those are just the details, which, frankly, are boring. Y’all came for the jokes, and whoa boy, are there jokes.
The site gives prominent space to this April 4 Funny of Die video that mashes up Pence’s speeches to make him repeatedly say that he, not Donald Trump, is the President of the United States, a prescient jab at the moment because Pence recently had to deflect rumors that he’s planning on running in 2020 to rid the Republican party of the chaotic-evil presence of Trump and replace it with a nice, comfortable, familiar Republican voice that still hates all the right groups of people but has a better head of hair and the sense not to use Twitter as his primary modus of communication.
The rest of the jokes focus mostly on Pence’s unbelievable whiteness (it is ok to laugh at these! Saying that white people love mayonnaise and hate flavor is a silly stereotype that is consistently funny and sometimes true!), his extremely strange habit of calling his wife “Mother,” and his hard-line, intensely homophobic brand of “Christianity” that ignores pretty much everything in the New Testament about loving an accepting people and focuses mainly on a couple lines of the book of Leviticus where God allegedly says it’s not cool when two dudes bone.
Other jokes include “Mike Facts,” which are facts like, “Mike went to college.” They are not, of course, true facts (actually, some of them might be. We’re pretty sure Mike did in fact go to college. No confirmation on the penmanship awards.)
Here’s “Mike’s Story”:
Spend as much time as you like on www.officialmikepence.com today because it is Friday, the world is chaos, and we could all use a laugh.