'Harry Potter and the Cursed Child' Should Have Ruined Ron

It would be the best.

Warner Bros. Pictures

We all know Ronald Bilius Weasley is a loser. The best friend of one Harry Potter was designated with bad luck, low status, and unfortunate circumstances since being introduced in the series. Things seem to be going better for adult Ron in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, but knowing his character the good times can’t last. Imagining a post-Cursed Child, Ron solo story could genuinely be amazing only because readers know the good times for Ron Weasley can’t last.

In an interview this year, Rupert Grint revealed that he believed Ron would never find true happiness. “I would expect Ron has probably divorced Hermione already. I don’t think that relationship would have done very well,” Grint explained. The interview quickly devolved into Grint and the journalist having a little back-and-forth about Ron’s separation, lonely bachelor pad, and failed magical Tinder hookups.

That story sounds amazing.

Like some of the best in middle-age dramedies, try and picture a Noah Baumbach-produced adventure of a newly divorced Ron Weasley living out a post-divorce, bachelor lifestyle. His family and friends mournfully standby as the misadventures of Ronald Weasley continues to sink the life of the once bosom-pal of the most famous wizard in the world. There is huge potential in depicting this wayward Ron Weasley.

Does she look happy to you?

Warner Bros. Pictures

The thing is, readers and Harry Potter fans can almost imagine what would happen if Ron and Hermione never ended up together. The main plot of The Cursed Child involves a lot of time traveling by Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy into alternate timelines, and messing up the future Back to the Future style. There’s one particular timeline where Ron and Hermione never ended up married, which causes huge ramifications for their adult personalities. The only problem with that scenario is that it was Ron who happily married Padma Patil, and Hermione remained single. As a result of not marrying Ron, adult Hermione became destined to become a bitter Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who hates her life.

This is bullshit. First, because nobody would believe that Hermione of all people would become so distraught over missing out on marrying Ron fucking Weasley. Secondly, that not by not marrying Ron she would let it affect her whole life in such a way that she becomes a miserable human being. And last, because if anybody is lucky Ron found anyone other than Hermione to put up with him, it’s Ron himself. Hermione would be fine dating anyone else and nobody would be surprised because she’s Hermione Granger.

Granger-Weasley Family in The Cursed Child

J.K. Rowling

No, unfortunately the Cursed Child didn’t quite understand the dynamic of the Ron/Hermione relationship, and who actually settled for who. A proper post-Cursed Child story should rectify this mistake by showcasing the outcome readers, Rupert Grint, and pretty much anyone else with a mild grasp of the main Harry Potter characters expect: That Ron and Hermione probably won’t last, Hermione would definitely get remarried, to someone on her “level”, and Ron would use magic to summon a beer from the fridge as he flips through wizard Tinder in his one bedroom apartment.

Adult drama for the Harry Potter characters is surely enticing for readers who grew up with the series and are now adults themselves. They presumably have their own relationship mishaps and failed life goals. And while the Harry Potter series is by no means obligated to grow up with the readers that first picked up The Sorcerer’s Stone, Cursed Child definitely proves there is genuine interest in the adult lives of the main trio from the original books. So while author J.K. Rowling seems averse to dramatically “ruin” the lives of either Harry, Ron, or Hermione, there is huge potential for storytelling, characterization, and humor in a solo Ron Weasley adventure post-Cursed Child, and hopefully post-failed marriage.

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