Fans of Quentin Tarantino should be well aware of the famously adroit cinema fanatic’s promise to retire after directing only ten feature films. It’s an admirable pledge, mostly because Tarantino hasn’t stooped to catering to big studio requests or by directing installments of money-making Hollywood franchises. He’s a dude that does things his way, and creates original stories with his own self-made mythology. It’s made him one of the most exciting filmmakers in the world working today. He’s currently directed eight feature films (Kill Bill counts as one), and with two to go, ten films gives a finite trajectory to Tarantino’s oeuvre. It’s a sentiment he recently reiterated at the Jerusalem Film Festival, with a minor caveat: his ten-and-done vow is probably total bullshit.
“I am planning to stop at ten [films],” he told the festival crowd. “But at 75, I might decide I have another story to do.”
The retirement plans come from Tarantino’s thought process that, unlike fine wine, filmmakers don’t get better with age. His filmography isn’t too shabby at the moment, with movies like Pulp Fiction and Inglourious Basterds regarded as something like contemporary classics, so it might be that he wants to get out before he makes a truly terrible movie. The thought of an aged, hunched-over Tarantino softly saying “action” just seems sad, but by his own admission he’ll most likely direct more than ten movies anyway.
So, in taking the lead of comedian Tim Heidecker, who recently tweeted out some spot-on faux titles for aging Woody Allen’s own pretend extended filmography, I got together with fellow Inverse-ers Winston Cook-Wilson and Yasmin Tayag to brainstorm some potential titles for Mr. Tarantino to use well past his erroneous ten-film limit.
Here are Quentin Tarantino’s next twenty movies, spaced out from now until 2060, when he’s 97.
- 2018 - Private Dicks
- 2022 - Reservoir Dogs II, Part One: The Actual Heist This Time
- 2023 - Reservoir Dogs II, Part Two: Mr. Orange’s Revenge
- 2025 - Rimjob Cowboys
- 2028 - Rusty Justice
- 2030 - Dishonorebel Assholez
- 2033 - Lady Assassins Run Amok
- 2036 - Stuntman Serial Killer
- 2039 - Southern Fried Murder Boys
- 2040 - Johnny Blue
- 2042 - The Vile Nine
- 2045 - Ol’ Nawlins Crawdaddy Slim
- 2048 - The Saloon Man
- 2050 - Sally’s Got a Gun and She Knows How to Use It
- 2052 - Two People In A Room
- 2055 - Hard Boiled Ninjas
- 2056 - Il cacciatore che ha cercato vendetta sanguinosa (The Vengeful Hunt for Bloody Revenge)
- 2058- Inglourious Basterds Too: Return of the Bear Jew
- 2059 - Tennessee Whiskey
- 2060 - The Lonesome Death of William Zanzinger