Wynonna Earp, the eponymous leading character in the Syfy series, may not totally have her shit together, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t been known to spout the occasional thought-provoking wisdom. Even though Wynonna’s pretty busy demon-hunting and saving an ungrateful town from all manner of supernatural skulduggery, Purgatory’s undisputed one-liner heavyweight champ and the rest of the Revenant-killing Black Badge squad still find time to leave us with some (mostly) top shelf advice.
From how to get where you need to go, who to tune out, and what to eat along the way, Wynonna Earp’s got plenty of pointers on how to live your best life. Or, at the very least, how to stay alive.
Buses Are A Last Resort
Listen, nothing good ever happens on buses. With horror show bathrooms, drooling seatmates, too many mirrors and a propensity for breaking down in the worst possible places, buses are not your friends. Whether it’s Greyhound or Bluntline (ay!), you’re better off avoiding the trouble-magnets at all costs.
Sneaking Up On People Is A Dick Move
Particularly true when you’re surrounded by dead people. If you’re a creepy dude and you hang out in a morgue, get yourself a bell. That’s avoid-getting-shot-by-the-demon-killing-crazy-chick-with-a-gun 101.
The only person who gets away with sneaky bullshit is Ellen, and that’s only because the dirty little secret of the human race is that we’re all sick weirdos who love to watch people get scared on camera.
Waiting for the “right time” is a fool’s errand — just ask Purgatory’s resident waiting expert Doc Holliday. Lifes short and uncertain, so you’re much better off with Officer Haught’s approach to getting what you want, amirite?
Never Let A Bitter Dude With An Axe To Grind Diminish Your Worth
This goes double for demon dudes, who’ll try to “Well, actually” you until they’re blue(/decaying) in the face. You can’t take Peacemaker route, but you can certainly make like an Earp Heir and sarcasm the hell out of them.
In the wise, wise words of Wynonna, “Guilty, sinner, forgiveness. Just another dude telling me what I’ve done wrong. But now, I’m about to do some right.”
Nutrition’s A Flexible Concept
Whiskey. Donuts. “Kung pow chicken with enough hot sauce to blind a t-rex.”
Being a culinary genius isn’t for everyone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get down with your bad self to the tune of, “Mix it with tomato juice and it’s breakfast.”
Even Lone Wolves Can Be A Little Needy Sometimes
There are a lot of ways to bond with someone — friendship bracelets, team-building exercises, watching someone take a bath. It’s important to surround yourself with top-notch people who have your back. How you get them there is your business.
Boobs > Dynamite
Dynamite’s effective but a bit gauche, no?
Bonus: “Put down the coffee”
I don’t know why you were thinking about taking your coffee to the bathroom in the first place, but best leave it in safe hands, lest the nearest facilities fall firmly into the “crime against humanity” category. See also: Buses.