The Dirtiest Jobs On 'Game of Thrones'
From cock merchants to executioners, we bring you the few gigs worse than sitting on the Iron Throne.
Game of Thrones is a brutal world for those at the top: They’re often stabbed, decapitated, or drowned in molten gold. But because the show revolves around the characters grasping for power, we often forget about those at the bottom: the ordinary people just trying to get by. Westeros and Essos are such grim places, it’s really a toss up if your job would be worse as the person who cleans the privy or the person in close proximity to the Iron Throne and gets murdered on it. Here are some of the dirtiest jobs in Game of Thrones.
Who can forget that time in Season 5 when Tyrion and Jorah were briefly captured by bandits looking to sell them into slavery and/or to cock merchants? As usual, Tyrion talks his way out of a sticky situation with the memorable line, “You can’t just hand a dried cock to a merchant and expect them to pay for it!”
Or can you? If someone is in the business of being a cock merchant, they’re probably past the point of giving fucks.
Before she died, Ramsay’s psychotic girlfriend — who he touchingly eulogizes in “The Red Woman” with a “feed her to the hounds” — was always referred to as “the Kennelmaster’s daughter.” That’s strike one for the gig; the Kennelmaster has to deal with man-eating hounds with corpse breath. But what really cements it is how damn creepy the kennels are. It’s no wonder the Kennelmaster’s daughter was so unhinged herself.
The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword, but that doesn’t mean it’s a fun job. Even though it’s Jon’s most badass moment to date when he beheads the slimy Janos Slynt in Season 5, he’s clearly not having a blast. Whether you’re a nobleman practicing Ned Stark’s mantra or whether you’re just a paid executioner, there’s no avoiding that it’s a grimy job.
King’s Landing Chambermaid
Because she never knows when she’ll only have to clean up shit or when her dirty job will also involve cleaning up an actual dead body with her shit.