Church Suspends Hoverboarding Priest for Swagged Out Mass

Hoverboards ruined everything about Christmas this year. They kept exploding under people. If you were gifted one, hopefully you drove home for the holidays because you sure weren’t allowed on a plane with one. Even Jesus’ house wasn’t safe from their diabolic non-hovering on his birthday.

Apparently not content to leave the levitation to the son of God, a Catholic priest in San Pablo, Laguna, in the Philippines, delivered this year’s Christmas Eve Mass on a hoverboard. Unfortunately, a video of the holy roller (rimshot!) quickly went viral prompting the local diocese to suspend the priest for however long it takes for him to realize that high holy days aren’t appropriate times to be wheeling around on a futuristic scooter. I don’t know. As a former altar boy, I remember how long and boring those Christmas masses can get, so maybe he was just trying to shake people up a little. Truly, it is easier to hoverboard through the eye of a needle than it is to keep people’s attention through the ninth chorus of Silent Night.