I don’t really go on Reddit, but when something as magnificent as the topic “What do you not fuck with?” comes along, I bask in its glow. To put it another way, “What do you not fuck with?” makes me want to fuck with Reddit. Let’s take a look at some redditor suggestions of things it’s best to avoid:
Garage door springs
Whoa, I didn’t know these things could rip your arms off. But, now, I’m glad I do.
I’ve always felt this way. Amazing suggestion.
People who handle your food
I wonder if the person who posted this has eaten at Chipotle recently.
Sounds pretty scary.
It got me thinking: What do I not fuck with? Here are my five suggestions to add to the list:
The mother of the girl I am dating
People will tell you to watch out for the dad, but they never warn you about mom. I’ve looked into their eyes. I know what true fear feels like.
Oakland Raiders fans
Their football team might be terrible but they will stab a Denver Broncos or (insert any professional sports team — doesn’t even have to be football — here) fan in the neck.
1990s Ford Explorers
I used to drive one of these things. They couldn’t handle worse. If you see one on the road next to you, know that the person driving it is doing his/her best to not smash into every surrounding object, human, and animal. Steer clear.
Call me a misogynist all you want, but this one is more out of respect. You must respect the hungry ladies, gentlemen.
Guys who wear tight shirts and go to clubs where they drink vodka-sodas with a splash of cran
Unlike me, they’ve been in a fight post-eighth grade. I don’t fuck with ‘em.