Hot Topic just introduced a bad-ass new line of limited-edition Doctor Who outfits and I can’t believe I just wrote that with a straight face. The collection offers an assortment of TARDIS inspired apparel as well as sweaters, dresses, and even an caplet (because Whovians are fancy and shit) that pay homage to Doctors past. It’s nice to finally see some Doctor Who gear that doesn’t involve “I’m with Pudding Brain” T-shirts, though I’m a bit bummed there is no re-imagined TARDIS short jumpsuit set.

To celebrate the debut of the line, we have compiled a list of the most dapper Doctor’s ranked from “Oh honey, what happened?” to “Well, hello there sir! May we buy you a martini or three?”

12. The Doctor and His Technicolor Dream Coat

We know Colin, we can't figure out what the hell the wardrobe department was thinking either.

How do you say “hot mess” in Gallifreyan? Yes, the ‘80s and whatnot, but holy exploding thrift-stores, the poor Sixth Doctor combination of multicolored patchwork overcoat, plaid waistcoat, polka-dotted ties, and pinstriped pants were a disaster. You know that thing that happens when something is so ugly it’s cool? Yeah, this is not what happened here.

11. The Doctor Is a Tramp

Raggedy, ill-fitting overcoat, plaid pants about three sizes too big, a Beatles wig, and oh yeah, a recorder. In fairness to Patrick Troughton, he was supposed to be a bit of a hobo to contrast the First Doctor’s spit-shined elegance. And man, did it work. The only thing missing from the Second Doctor’s couture is a handkerchief tied to a stick.

10. When You’re a Time-Travelling Demigod, but the Penguin is Your Favorite Comic Book Villain

A lot going on here with the Seventh Doctor: two-tone brogues, an actual necktie, the panama hat, question-mark sweater, and all kinds of accessories, most notably the question-mark handled umbrella. In fairness, though this was the outfit he started with, by the end of his run, they were able to get this mess under control. Unfortunately, by that time, just about everybody had stopped watching the show.

9. Lapel Garnish

The Doctor for the late spring/early summer season, Peter Davison’s look was pretty clean. Lots of light earth tones, layers, and even cross-trainers, because you never know when or where an impromptu cricket match might be in need of a spare wicket keeper. Tie it all together with some light summer salad on the lapel and you’re good to go.

8. Eyebrows Are a Kind of Fashion Accessory, Right?

Capaldi’s Doctor has thrown us a few different looks during his tenure. We dig the look of the the fitted jacket, skinny-leg slacks, and crisp white button-down. Meanwhile, not so much with the Mid-Life Crisis Doctor hearkening back to his Gallifreyan garage band days with the hoodie/ratty T-shirt combo. And yes, we are docking him several points for sonic sunglasses. But we added a few points back on for the most impressive eyebrows in the Whoverse.

7. Oldie but a Goodie

William Hartnell’s Alpha Doctor walked the line between stern turn-of-the-century schoolmaster and the owner of Gallifrey’s most beloved fried chicken franchise. Be honest, ribbon ties and monocles never really go out of style do they? Asking for a friend.

6. You Know What They Say About a Doctor With Big Ears …

The Doctor from the North’s outfit was, well…pretty much exactly how you’d expect a Doctor from the North to dress. V-neck T-shirt, boots, leather jacket. Done and done. See. the Ninth Doctor worked for a living, thank you very much, and had neither the time nor the interest to prance about like a dandy while there was a universe that needed saving.

5. Aces and Eights

As the story goes, the Eighth Doctor wakes up in a hospital gown, searches for something to wear, and finds a Buffalo Bill costume tucked away in a locker. We like to imagine somewhere along the line the War Doctor ditched the green frock for a leather jacket he picked off the corpse of some dude he just murked. Then we realize it’s much more likely that John Hurt brought that jacket himself, having picked it off the corpse of some dude he just murked in real life.

Don’t fuck with John Hurt.

4. Wait, Are Those Sand Shoes?

Love the Tenth Doctor in the pinstripe suit. Love the Tenth Doctor in the blue suit. Love the Tenth Doctor in the tux. The duster and sand shoes though? You’re killing us David Tennant. You’re goddamn killing us.

3. Bow Ties Are Cool

Yes Matt Smith, you deceptively handsome bastard you, bow ties are indeed cool. Quite frankly, so are tweed jackets, fezzes, oversized eyeglasses, skinny suspenders, and high-water trousers, but only if you accessorize all that with a Steampunk-themed time-traveling police box.

2. But It’s Just a Scarf …

Quick, can you name a single item of clothing or accessory Tom Baker wore aside from a long multicolored scarf? Yeah, neither could we. The fact is that Tom Baker had a pretty sharp outfit rotation during his run, full of cravats, waistcoats, some pretty amazing hats, and always a pair of shiny new boots. Yet that iconic knitted scarf (the original was actually given to him by a fan) is quite possibly the single most iconic item in the 50-plus-year history of Doctor Who outside of the TARDIS and possibly the sonic screwdriver.

  1. The Most Interesting Doctor in the World

The stylin’, profilin’, roadster riding, time and space flying, TARDIS-stealing, alien ass-kickin’ dealin’ son of a gun! When not getting into barroom-style fist-fights with Cybermen, it wouldn’t be too hard to imagine the Dandy Doctor hosting the 1974 season of Hollywood Squares. Frills, ruffles, capes, pinky-rings and tricked-out canary yellow Edwardian roadster, Jon Pertwee’s all-velvet-everything Third Doctor is easily the most dapper of all the Timelords, and it ain’t even close.

Photos via BBC Archives