Why Did Rihanna Remake 'Myst'?

Rihanna's new album promo site, ANTIdiary.com, is terrible. At least we only have to wait until Friday for the album.

Currently, I’m on the new website promoting the release of Rihanna’s new album — antidiary.com — and I can’t get out of this video where a little girl (version of Rihanna?) sings into her hairbrush in a room outfitted like a Pier 1 catalogue. There’s eerie piano music playing, not one of the new Rih track snippets I had hoped for from this site.

Wait, here’s another one with a creepy little boy scrimmaging with the little girl under the sheets. It has the vibe of a early-‘00s horror movie flashback. To get a taste of the mise en scene, check out this promo video from Samsung — the sponsor of this pseudo-campaign:

I feel cool because I’m doing this on a Samsung phone, instead of the iPhone most of the world is stuck with (ha!) This is the only thing it’s ever been good for. My screen may be busted to shit, but at least I can get the ideal visual experience — the one Rihanna and Big Daddy Samsung wanted me to get.

As I swing my phone around to navigate the ANTIdiary bedroom, attempting to unlock something edifying, I remember how much I hated playing Myst as a kid, and wonder why Samsung angled for this Aphex-Twin-meets-Google-doodle-game rollout style.

The hell?

Rihanna’s album, ANTI-, is due out this Friday, all of a sudden. If you want to get kind of excited — and hear some actual hints of her music — the easiest way to do that is head to Twitter and check out the mysterious @iamthekeyholder account. Here’s a decent teaser video, albeit with some more really cool product placement.

Do not waste time with the “iamthekeyholder” Instagram account, however. It seems to be a home for BS (Banksy Shit) exclusively — i.e. people scrawling the logo for the album on telephone poles, etc.

Let’s just hope the album isn’t this pretentious.