Looks like someone couldn’t handle Hillary’s Saturday Night Live appearance: On Monday, NBC announced Donald Trump will be hosting the variety show on November 7.
It will be Trump’s second time hosting, the first which happened in the peak of his fame on The Apprentice. In his 2004 monologue Trump took the stage in an unforgivably purple tie and declared that, “It’s great to be here at Saturday Night Live, but I’ll be completely honest, it’s even better for Saturday Night Live, that I’m here. Nobody’s bigger than me, nobody’s better than me. I’m a ratings machine.” Classic Trump!
It’s a real pity that Trump will be a SNL two-timer when we all know someone who would be marginally better: President Barack Obama. Sure, presidential dignity has kept him from taking center stage at Studio 8H but we all know he’s got the chops: he sings, he slow-jams, he sits between two ferns.
It seems inevitable that Obama will one day host SNL. So why wait for the future? Let’s go straight to the year 2018, on a night Obama will finally host SNL. Here’s our best guess as to how it will go down.
A monologue is the true test of any SNL host and many die by fire. Luckily, we already know that Obama is a great public speaker and couldn’t care less about how unapologetically dad his jokes are. Remember when he pardoned the turkeys from a “terrible and delicious” fate and said, “if you’re a turkey and you’re named after a side dish, your chances of escaping Thanksgiving dinner are pretty low”? Remember when his own daughters didn’t laugh? The opening monologue is going to have a lot of dad jokes.
The First Sketch:
After the monologue, Obama will appear in his first sketch as a high school stoner. He stands on a cafeteria table, announcing: “Look, as you probably could have guessed at this moment, I have decided to run for class president.” There’s a laugh that’s more polite than anything.
Obama then reprises his 2007 appearance on SNL during which he’s a guest at the Clinton’s Halloween party. “I have nothing to hide, I enjoy being myself,” a slightly-less camera-ready Obama said then. “I’m not going to change who I am just because it’s Halloween.”
The 2018 version of the Clinton Halloween party features Obama and Hillary Clinton — Kate McKinnon returns from a bonkers career in Hollywood to reprise her role — fresh off her general election loss to Carly Fiorina dressed up as the same thing: Donald Trump.
They both do proudly terrible Trump impressions. People just lose it (the Trump impression is the rare thing that’s both very easy to do and very funny.) The real Hillary Clinton makes a guest appearance, and when they play “Never-Have-I-Ever” she says through gritted teeth “Never have I ever been President.” It is uncomfortable for everyone.
The Musical Guest:
The musical guest is Obama’s favorite, Stevie Wonder, back on the show after pulling double duty as host and musical guest back in 1983. (In the sketch before it, Obama reprised his Al Green impression from 2012.) Jay-Z snorts later that he wasn’t asked asked to perform.
Keegan-Michael Key shows up for a classic Obama-Luther skit. Now the scenario is Obama on vacation with a clumsy waiter, played by Bobby Moynihan (yes, he’ll still be there), who can’t get the order right. Luther comes out and says, “HE SAID HE ORDERED THIS WITH DRESSING ON THE SIDE.”
The final sketch is Obama as a professor at Columbia University — his new job in New York City. There are some first day of school jokes where the “cool kids,” a.k.a. adjunct professors, ask him to sit at their table. In class, students ask him for life advice. Finally, one stands up and asks, “Any advice for me, now that I’m president?” We see that it is Donald Trump.
SNL producer Lorne Michaels decides his appearance was funny, but not a good funny. And Obama, an expert when it comes to reading a teleprompter, got a little verbose with his ad-libs. Despite solid ratings, he isn’t immediately asked to host again. Trump’s third hosting gig is announced later that month.