Whatever dreams you had for yourself, whatever goals you’ve set, just go ahead and accept that you are a disappointment. Because while you were getting your degree or writing a novel, or whatever it is you think matters, San Diego’s Jason Hernandez invented a tennis ball attachment to take selfies with dogs and now he’s going to be richer than God.

Hernandez’s Kickstarter has blown passed its $7,000 goal on the way to $24,491 and he still has two weeks to go.

What is the device that has given Hernandez’s life weight and meaning in the shifting sands of eternity while ours are fated to dissolve in an endless chilling void? Specifically it’s a squeaky tennis ball that you put it on top of your phone or your tablet. Your dog looks at it and you take a picture — and maybe smile if you can avoid thinking of Hernandez raging like a modern day Caligula with other captains of industry. How’s your student loan debt?

“Pooch Selfie takes advantage of a dog’s natural draw and focus to a tennis ball and uses this focus to hold their gaze as you snap away that perfect portrait picture,” Hernandez explains in his Kickstarter description. It is a great, shamefully inexpensive idea that no one thought to market before. What was everyone doing? What the hell were we thinking about?

Like all Kickstarters, this one came with rewards at each new funding level, consisting of an increasing amount of Pooch Selfies along with some tees. For some baffling reason, those prizes did not include one berating, motivational phone call to an underachieving friend listening to Hernandez bark: “Do you know who I am? I invented the Pooch Selfie! I could buy and sell you!”