Nick Offerman recently did a Reddit AMA that you should read unless you’re into depriving yourself of amazing shit. When asked what his daily life was like, this is what he said:

Contrary to popular belief, Megan and I are just two normal, sandwich-eating Americans. We get up in the morning, slather ourselves in a fresh Oat pudding and rub our bodies together until we have both ejaculated a stream of ecstasy that turns our love-tub into a warm goulash of effluvia and passion. Stepping into the yard, shivering in our naked delight, Megan daintily taps upon the bark of our Ent, who releases one drop of dew from one leaf, impossibly high upon its upper branches. This elephantine droplet plummets from such great heights and splashes us clean, filling our noses and other orifices with an elvish, lavender magic as we skip about our several closets, giggling and tickling one another. The squirrels are really funny during this recess, and there’s a shitload of LOLing taking place. As the closet faeries weave the day’s raiments about our quivering flesh, we settle into our Offerman Woodshop chairs and check our emails, like anybody. Pretty boring.

So next time you find yourself wondering if celebrities lives are just like yours, you have your answer. Of course they are.

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