It has come to our attention that some ridiculous lies are being spread about the sacred Star Wars universe. Now, we’re not in any official capacity to crush the geeky dreams of people out there who like to speculate, but we’re big enough fans to know when something is one step over the line. A lot of trumped up details are going to be thrown around now that everyone is excited for The Force Awakens, and don’t get us wrong, we’re excited too. But let’s just clear the air once and for all — E.T. is not now or never was a Jedi.

If you’re one of the mercifully uninitiated who isn’t aware of every single aspect of Star Wars, let us refresh your memory. Exhibit A from a Reddit thread:

It’s a sound argument, right? Wrong. It’s soggy garbage.

The E.T.s in the Galactic Senate chamber were most likely included because some snarky CG artists were bored out of their gourd while putting in double overtime on the effects work for The Phantom Menace. If not that, then George Lucas probably emerged from his Yoda-like hovel to check on the progress of his first doomed prequel and said, “Hey guys, why don’t you put one of Steven’s aliens in there, too?” Lucas repaying Spielberg with another nod is, let’s face it, probably the most clever idea of the unholy prequel trilogy. But there’s some logistical reasons that negate this bone-headed fan theory too.

The Star Wars galaxy far, far away definitely wasn’t supposed to take place at the same time a little kid found an alien in suburban California in the 1980s. Because E.T. recognizes Yoda on Halloween, making him a high-profile Jedi worth recognizing, that would mean the prequels took place sometime between the late ‘70s and early ‘80s — or at least within E.T.’s lifespan. That’s a hell of a stretch. The timeline gets skewed further when you consider “Club Obi Wan” from Spielberg’s 1930s-set Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, or that C-3PO and R2-D2 make a little cameo in the WWII-era Raiders of the Lost Ark. These are simple back and forth winks, not some inter-Lucas/Spielberg world-building conspiracy.

Also, it’s hard to believe E.T. would have survived as a Jedi considering all of the them were wiped out in the end of Revenge of the Sith. Furthermore, if he was a Jedi, E.T. could have easily dispatched the government officials terrorizing Elliott and his family. All he did was levitate a bike. That’s the least-Jedi Jedi move since emo Anakin gently Force-fed Natalie Portman a floating pear.

Plus, where’s his lightsaber? He could have mistakenly left it on the ship that left Earth, but any real Jedi could have just made a new one. The best E.T. could do was make a telephone out of a Speak & Spell (which, to be honest, was pretty cool).

Look, we get it. It’s a fun fan theory to think about, and E.T.’s species even has its own entry on Wookieepedia, but it’s nonsense. So no, BuzzFeed, this theory will not blow my mind. Get over it. It just isn’t true. Now ends the nerdiest rant in the history of nerd rants. May the Force be with you.

Photos via www.reddit.com/user/jWiessing, YouTube.com