4.28.2019 12:00 AM

Mind and Body

6 Geeky Sex Toys You're Gonna Want in Your Bedroom

Being a geek does *not* mean you don't know how to have *that kind* of fun.

Unsplash / Vidar Nordli-Mathisen

You already got to know each other. One thing already led to another. She knows you’re a geek. He’s heard you quote long passages from Firefly from memory. So how do you take the romancing up a notch? Should you confess that you have warm thoughts about John Snow during Game of Thrones? Have you admitted that your “crush” on Serenity’s adorably hot mechanic has, on occasion, taken a spicy turn?

The answer to all of these questions is: Toys!

Toys are what you get for the kids, the cat, and the dog… but they’re also what you get for a geek. And this particular kind of toy? Let’s just say they are more than LEGO.

Game of Moans – Long Shaft

A direwolf on the hilt makes this sword extra cuddlyGeeky Sex Toys

Time for some sword play? The sword you wield is important to that game. And this sword will get ‘er done. Also? There’s a direwolf on the hilt! Who doesn’t want to cuddle a direwolf? Everyone wants that.

Tentacle – Hentai Dildo

Tentacle – Hentai DildoGeeky Sex Toys

An octopus has three hearts and nine brains. Every sucker can taste and smell simultaneously. It is the ultimate nerd. It also has eight legs, which act independently. Think about that too much and you might spawn an entire genre of porn. In fact, that’s probably how the whole tentacle porn thing started. This is only one tentacle but … look at it!

Möan-lnir

Möan-lnirGeeky Sex Toys

By Thor’s hammer! You are guaranteed to come to love that Norse god once you spend a little time playing with his hammer. Just don’t throw it when it’s all slippery. Because it will be slippery.

Unicorn Horn Dildo

Unicorn Horn DildoGeeky Sex Toys

Been searching for the elusive, mystical unicorn for so long that you no longer believe her to exist? Here she is! And she wants to release all that pink, white, and purple magic.

Vibe Trooper

Vibe TrooperGeeky Sex Toys

Do you gaze at an army of storm troopers and swoon? All that obedient power, working together, intensely focused on succeeded at one important goal? Relax! Here’s one you can bring home. Strong, dedicated, and rechargeable.

The Who Package

The Who PackageGeeky Sex Toys

Planning to overindulge on Doctor Who? How about playing with your own Tardis (er, Tardass) Dalek (um, Dildek), and Sonic Screwdriver (oh, Sonic Vibrator). This one is all about the puns. But when you find yourself traveling backwards through time, you will pat yourself on the back for money well spent. (Also sold separately.)

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