If for some reason on December 17 — the day before Star Wars: The Force Awakens opens in theaters — you find yourself not knowing what all the fuss is about with these Star Wars movies, then fear not. Some brave soul did you a solid and put together a video of all six Star Wars movies playing at once. It’s oddly beautiful and a wonderfully cacophonous collage of droid beeps, laser blasts, ship explosions, lightsaber whooshes, and George Lucas’ terrible dialogue. If you still don’t have time to watch it, here’s some of the greatest hits.
1. 00:01:55 to 00:05:45
The best place to start is at the beginning. After the opening crawls, which would make a dyslexic’s brain explode, we launch into all six movies that synch up quite nicely. Some of the imagery is so downright painterly that it’d make Monet proud. But the sounds of ships rumbling across the screen soon gives way to all out space battles. Cue the headaches from there.
2. 00:17:00 to 00:24:00
The best thing about this video is that you can literally see how better the original three movies are when compared to the prequels. Take, for instance, 17 minutes into all six movies. The prequels are still trying to wow you with overblown special effects, while the slivers of The Empire Strikes Back and the other originals show that they actually tried to build character moments before earning those special effects payoffs.
3. 00:36:55 to 00:40:00
Leave it to the movie editing gods to have a lull in every movie in the series at the same spot. Weirdly enough, there seem to be a lot of characters arguing at the same point a little over a half hour into each one. I wonder if you start playing Dark Side of the Moon from here on out it’ll start linking up to the movies too?
4. 1:00:00 to 1:14:00
The pod-race from The Phantom Menace never looked better than it does here, with five other things happening at the same time.
5. 1:46:00 to 1:56:00
Turn of your mind, relax, and float downstream, you guys. We’re basically in the final stretches of every movie, and they’re bleeding together quite nicely. While Luke is making his attack run on the Death Star, you can catch some faint glimpses of the weird gladiator arena from Attack of the Clones and the Rebel attack on the shield generator from Return of the Jedi. Soak in each sweet, sweet denouement because we’re almost done.
6. 00:02:13 to 00:02:22
God bless you if you’ve made it this far, but you’re still in for some disappointment. By now, all of the movies are over except for Attack of the Clones, a.k.a. the longest and worst Star Wars movie there is. At this point you’re better off trying to make out the credits of the hundreds of thousands of digital animators or stunt people that worked on these movies instead of watching Hayden Christensen take hold of poor Natalie Portman with his robotic hand and lay a big fat kiss on her, cementing their terrible screen chemistry for all time.Photos via http://imgur.com/a/8gS2O?gallery, http://imgur.com/a/8gS2O?gallery