Petyr Baelish pulled off another one of his brilliant capers in this week’s Game of Thrones, conniving to not die a horrible death in front of millions by never showing up on screen.
So what’s the Westerosi Wildcard been up to? That’s increasingly unclear, but here are a few half-baked ideas:
1) Littlefinger is wandering around the fanciest houses and castles in King’s Landing stealing peoples heirloom jewelry and cackling to himself.
2) Littlefinger is waking up in hot sweats thanks to recurring nightmares of curly-haired Dark Knight Rises cameos.
3) Littlefinger is holing up in a corner of the Vale to watch that Fallout trailer over and over and marvel at how far Bethesda has come at modeling dog physics.
4) Littlefinger is ranking the lesser Lannister cousins’ jewelry collection so he can prioritize appropriately.
5) Littlefinger is figuring out if there are vampires in this universe, because a few enlarged incisors would really make that mustache pop.
6) Littlefinger is trying to get cast in How to Train Your Dragon 4, which, to be frank, is really where this whole dragon-riding shebang ought to be headed.
7) Littlefinger is running around King’s Landing loosening horse carriage harnesses at random, yelling, “Wildcard, baby, Wildcard.”
8) Littlefinger is putting the Lannister’s best necklaces on eBay.
9) Littlefinger is interviewing to replace Terry Gross on Fresh Air.