Illinois Man Drives His SUV Through Garage Door, Is Goddamn American Hero

Even at 91, Walter Thomas has an appetite for destruction


Walter Thomas has lived to see the Third Reich crushed, The Berlin Wall crumble, Jim Crow laws abolished, a man golfing on the moon. At 91 he has enormous perspective on what matters in life. So take his word for it, nothing beats wanton destruction.

My new life coach has always wanted to drive some Detroit steel through a garage door. We all want this, but we bury beneath the stony soil of our hearts. Walter Thomas decided that was bullshit, and he found a garage door he could drive an SUV through, and then he went ahead and did it. Walter Thomas is no coward.

He told the AP: "I hit the gas, squealed the tires and bang — we went through the door." He doesn't think anything could top it.

Walter Thomas wants you to stop cursing the darkness and light a candle.