'Star Trek' Porn Without the Porn Is the Best Fan Film Ever (SFW)

As Trekkies everywhere prepare themselves for Star Trek: Discovery, it’s time to take a look back at one of the best unexplored storylines from the era of The Next Generation: The classic two-part episode in which Lt. Tasha Yar came back to life. No, we’re not talking about an episode of the real Next Generation but instead a fan film that goes by the name of Star Trek: The Next Generation A XXX Parody. Released in 2011 by Digital Sin, the movie is unique for one reason. If you take the porn out of this Star Trek porn, it’s a fairly thoughtful fan film that actually addresses real questions fans would have and features a pretty solid actor in the role of Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

Giles Aston plays Picard in the movie, though he’s billed only as “Giles” in the opening credits. This is significant because Aston isn’t a porn actor. Instead, for a time, he had a career as a professional Patrick Stewart impersonator. That means you could hire him to appear at a convention, party, or other event in the guise of one of Stewart’s iconic characters, including Professor X.

(Here’s the first part of the movie, totally safe for work, with no sex or nudity.)

So, the fact that Digital Sin got Aston to play Picard in the film is a huge coup d’etat. And, this casting is just the beginning of how seriously this movie takes its Star Trek canon. At one point Riker (Rocco Reed) and Geordi (Tyler Knight) openly talk about firing a tachyon grid, and it’s not a sexual innuendo at all. Instead, it’s just a straightforward reference to the two-part episode called “Redemption” in which a tachyon grid was used to detect cloaked Romulan warships. Again, if you think “cloaked Romulan warships” is some kind of metaphor for sex, it’s really not. More often than not, Star Trek: The Next Generation A XXX Parody is actually just talking about tachyon grids, photon torpedoes, and warp drives.

(Here’s the second part of the movie, also safe for work.)

And when Star Trek: The Next Generation A XXX Parody isn’t talking about the technical nitty-gritty of nerdy details from the show, it’s exploring the relationships between the characters. Obviously, hardcore Trekkies know Data lost his robot virginity to Tasha Yar (here played by India Summer) in the first season episode “The Naked Now.” And, weirdly, even though Tasha’s sister returned on the show, there was never a way for Data (Xander Corvus) to reconcile his feelings for Tasha since she was killed so quickly. But, this Star Trek porn fixes that. Tasha returning from the dead lets Data (and everyone else) explore his feelings.

Without any of the sex scenes, the entire feeling of Star Trek: The Next Generation A XXX Parody is 100 percent reminiscent of the ruminative, sometimes dour tone of the actual show. In the final scene, Picard and Dr. Crusher (Kimberly Kane) have a heart to heart about their deepest feelings.

Full of regret, Picard feels conflicted about not being able to really get Tasha back from the dead. Crusher tells him plaintively, “We should be happy for the things that we have.” If you didn’t know the movie was porn, watching these final moments would make you feel like these writers had a total understanding of The Next Generation, partially because no one acts out of character. Even when they’re getting ready to boldly go where they’ve really never gone before.