If Harry Potter had access to the “Rate My Professors” website at Hogwarts, you can probably guess where he’d put a few names. But, fan-created professor ratings for Hogwarts tell a surprising story.
On Wednesday, one Harry Potter fan pointed out on Reddit that Hogwarts has its own page on Rate My Professors, which is essentially the Yelp of academia. Most characters who appear on it are indeed professors — though Voldemort is also listed, despite his notorious rejection for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Some of the rankings make sense (like a low safety rating and a high food rating), while others might surprise you.
Remus Lupin and Minerva McGonagall rank among the highest, with a 4.8 and a 4.5 out of 5, respectively. Both also have the added bonus of a chili pepper, which indicates students finding a professor attractive. One student wrote on Lupin’s page, “My only criticism of Professor Lupin is that he is frequently absent, just about once a month,” while others wrote on McGonagall’s, “Hardest class I ever took, but totally worth it!”
Surprisingly, Voldemort has a 3.2 out of 5, despite never having taught and being the Dark Lord. “Take him if you are in Slytherin. If not avoid. He has something against Gryffindors. Half the class he goes on ranting about Harry Potter,” one student wrote. While Voldemort was never a professor in the Potter series, Dolores Umbridge is the headmistress in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child’s alternate universe. Perhaps Voldemort finally realized his “dream” of teaching in that version of the story.
Professors Lockhart, Quirrell, Trelawney, and Binns all rank lower than Voldemort, while the Centaur Firenze, who briefly took over Divination in Order of the Phoenix after Umbridge fired Trelawney, seems to be coasting on his “hot” chili pepper rating.
“Extremely condescending in his manner of speaking about humans,” one student said about him. “Seriously, I’m here to take a required course about divination, not hear about how humans know so little and are so inadequate at divination.”
Check out the rest of the professor ratings here, as well as expected low ratings for safety and internet access.