Greetings, lovers! In case you forgot in the midst of all the turmoil tearing apart democracy before our very eyes, there’s an arbitrary holiday invented to make independent people feel like garbage coming up next week! You might as well make a bad choice this year, because who knows how much longer we’ll be around for?

We at Inverse are happy to provide you with some printable valentines to share with people you’d settle on watching the world end with - or, at least, could stand to put your face on after a few drinks. Love is dead!

Give to: the straight-shooter in your life.

Give to: the systemically oppressed woman in your life.

Give to: the horny person with a lack of moral fiber in your life.

Give to: the self-satisfied conspiracy theorist in your life.

Give to: the completely defeated person in your life.

Give to: the brutally honest lover with nothing to lose in your life.

Happy Valentine’s Day, losers — may this one be our last.

Photos via Jamie Loftus

Jamie Loftus is a comedian, writer and animator whose baby teeth have been bronzed and loaded into a gun for when the moment is right. She's written for Playboy, VICE, Paste, and the Boston Globe.

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