FutureSex/LoveSounds, Justin Timberlake’s second studio album, was so incredible that Timberlake called it “Thriller 2006” before it released, and after it dropped, no one complained. He didn’t need to make music for another seven years and was hailed as a modern pop king. Ten years later, FutureSex is still arguably Timberlake’s pinnacle; it successfully transitioned JT from recovering boy band member to a full-fledged artiste, making him the only individual in the crop of late 1990s groups to pull it off.
FutureSex/LoveSounds guided horny young teens into horny young adulthood, but the one question many of us never asked while humping a pillow to “LoveStoned” was this: What the fuck is FutureSex? Did any of us have any?
First, let’s talk about the ladies. The female vibrator game has made leaps and bounds since “SexyBack” haunted your waking wet dreams. JT’s ’06 partners were likely still rocking a Rabbit vibrator on the recommendation of the Sex and the City women, but FutureLadies now have the Lelo clitoral vibrator, the Sh! Clitoral Pleasure Vibe, and, um, the Fifty Shades of Grey-branded Inner Goddess Pleasure Balls because hey, we didn’t have that in 2006 and who cares if it’s weird? It’s FutureSex tech! With these products on the market, JT actually has time to be a dad and full-time musician without sacrificing the natural source of renewable energy that is Jessica Biel’s orgasms.
Then there’s the next level of FutureSex, the kind of stuff that transforms a man into a Sex Toy Millionaire, a job title previously held only by sci-fi movie villains. Yes, there are now robots that you can make sweet love to now, and it’s predicted that before FutureSex/LoveSounds turns fifty, sex trafficking and even marriage between humans and robots will be legal. We’ve got 3D-printed dildos that customize themselves to your hole of choice, the Vesper vibrator necklace that allows for nasty FutureSex at a restaurant, and tech companies are slowly encroaching on an AI sex doll that could be a widespread consumer product. Give that robot a 1s and 0s orgasm if you can afford to, and good on you. It’s what Justin would want.
Depending on your pleasure, here are Inverse’s official recommendations for aligning your FutureSex with a LoveSound:
Summer Love: If you’re talking summer love, you want something quick and easy that doesn’t require much thought. If you’ve got an Apple Watch, there are a number of sex toys you can sync up with a device you already have to jerk it in real time using the magic of the internet. I love using the same tool to pay my taxes and orgasm!
Let Me Talk To You/My Love: The next best thing to having sex to a Prince song (who, by the way, did not enjoy JT’s claims of having brought sexy back). Take out a loan, get a Roxxxy sex robot, gussy her up real nice and make love.
LoveStoned/I Think She Knows: It’s not unusual to hear this one in public, so take advantage of a remote controlled vibrator that can make a simple trip to the Olive Garden extremely edgy. Give your partner the remote and watch your waiter’s eyes fill with tears of horror when you climax while ordering breadsticks!
Please join me in paying tribute to Justin Timberlake and his dedication to never releasing a bad album. I will do so by masturbating to My Love tonight — even the part with T.I..