Face it, plebes: Some humans are simply born with an excess of natural talent. Kim Kardashian wants you to know she is one of them. In a post on her website today, she reminded her fans of a tweet she posted in 2009 that revealed one of her hidden skills: Smelling cavities.
Yes, Kanye West’s better half wants us to know she is a bona fide decay detector. A spoilage smeller. A rot revealer. And she’s good at it, too: In her tweet, she claims that she has “never been wrong yet,” pointing out that the cavity bearer does not even have “2 be super close by me.” Does this secret skill rank Kim K among the superhuman, where we’ve long suspected she’s always belonged?
Sorry Kim. All you’re saying is that you have a nose that works, and that it’s oddly sensitive to the smell of mouth bacteria.
Tooth decay is exactly what it sounds like. The gaping, painful cavities in teeth are formed when the bacteria in the mouth starts breaking down dental enamel, and as the tooth literally rots, these microorganisms hunker down, making a home in their newly excavated pits.
Now is a good time to note that bacteria tend to smell bad, especially in large numbers. Cavities smell for the same reason that rotting corpses and armpits smell: They present the perfect breeding ground for enterprising, stank-ass microorganisms. In the mouth, the abundance of food presented by the dying tooth and the usual alimentary detritus makes it especially easy for them to multiply.
So, should it have been surprising when Kim K, in an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians that aired in 2012, correctly diagnosed Khloe’s husband Lamar Odom with tooth decay after smelling his breath during a hug? (“How do you smell his breath? How do you kiss him?” she asked her sister, bewildered.) Of course not: Cavities smell like hot trash! If Kim can smell it, you can probably smell it too.
That said, Kim must be commended for her willingness to call someone out for their poor dental hygiene. While most of us are physically able to detect the smell of a cavity, not all of us are prepared to hand out a diagnosis. Kim’s true talent, then, is not her ability to smell cavities but her tireless determination to preserve the oral health of the people she loves. Is it any wonder, then, that ‘Ye has such a twinkling smile?