Every town in America has that one small spot in a strip mall that simply can’t seem to stay in business. No matter which entrepreneur puts out his shingle in that doomed location; a mere presence within those four walls is enough to seal any enterprise’s fate. FOX’s celebrated animated sitcom Bob’s Burgers has taken this idea to it’s most pun-filled extreme with The Store Next Door, a Simpsons-style gag that sees the shop to the left of Bob’s failing hamburger business change every single week.

If you’re a fan of wordplay, The Store Next Door is a weekly treat. Though, some names are clearly better-spun than others. Here, to end what must assuredly be a fierce, yet completely secret debate over which titles work best, is every Store Next Door from Bob’s Burgers, ranked.

100. P.F.E.T.A

A play on P.E.T.A. … Don’t worry, they get better.

99. Break-A-Bear Teddy Bear Disposal

98. SYNTHESIZERS! SYNTHESIZERS! SYNTHESIZERS!

97. Earth, Wind, and Tires

96. The Nightlight Zone

95. That’s A-Door-A-Bell Doorbells

94. Chris’s Brisses

93. Rocky Refuge Raccoon Sanctuary

92. Miles of Vials

91. Cane You Dig It? Candy Cane Outlet

90. Betty’s Machetes

89. Gift Rappers Free Style Gift Wrapping

88. Kookah for Hookah

87. STD B-Gone! FREE CLINIC

86. Happily Ever Actor Casting Agency

85. A Unicycle Built For Two: Tandem Unicycles

84. I’ve Got Crabs Hermit Crab Emporium

This is actually the only Store Next Door that’s survived for more than one episode.

83. Sit and Spin Pottery

82. Takes All Rinds Composting Center

81. North by North Vest

80. RENT REDUCED: Crime Scene Special

79. You Cant Handle the Ruth Baseball Cards

78. Meet the Patents Patent Attorney

77. Wolf in Cheap Clothing Discount Pet Apparel

76. Extra Moist Yoga

75. Tire-Rhea

74. Maxi Pads Large Apartment Rentals

73. Colonial Baloney

72. The 100 Cent Store

71. Flip Your Wig Reversible Hairpieces

70. That’s Improv-able Improv Theater

69. You’re Missing the Poinsettia

68. Tandemonium: All Your Tandem Bike Needs

67. Annie Get Your Gum

66. Trot’s All Natural Fertilizer

65. Cupid’s Stupid Divorce Attorneys

64. Miracle on 34th Sheets

Sheets and bedding in 34 colors!

63. Carl’s Pre-Owned Indoor Outhouses

62. Our Carpets Match Our Drapes Home Furnishings

61. Bass Drum Emporium

Wins because its secondary sign reads: “The only 24-hour drum shop in town!”

60. Regret Me Not Tattoo

59. Nothin’ But Notaries

58. Little Shop of Hulas

57. Tankin’ it To the Streets Tank Top Shop

56. Granny Packs Luggage For Seniors

55. Dr. Rangelove Stove Store

54. Talk To The Hand Glove Store

53. Get Off My Back Tramp Stamp Removal

52. Nice Knockers Elegant Door Knockers

51. ATTEMPTED CRÊPE French Cooking School

50. Fire Distinguishers

Put out Your Fire With Flair!

49. Hannibal’s Dead Animals Taxidermy

48. A Sight For Sore Thighs Massage Parlor

47. Quilty As Charged Quilt Shop

46. Uncle Marty’s Breast Pumps

45. Shelfies Pictures of Shelves

44. A Ton In the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes

43. Wigs Wigs Wigs! (And Socks)

42. The Seven Year Itch Couples Dermatology

41. The Way We Grr Dog Trainers

40. Meth I Can! Methadone Clinic

39. Napoleon’s Complexion: Skin Care For Little People

38. Does Your Face Hurt? Beauty Supplies

37. Elliot’s Smelly Bits Potpourri Shop

“You Smelt It, We Dealt It!”

36. Fern, Baby, Fern Discount Fern Store

35. Magnum GI Colonoscopies

34. I Think Therefore I Jam: Profound Preserves

33. Nog Nog Who’s There? Egg Nog

32. Let’s Scissor! Collage Studio

31. Don’t Stop Bereaving Grief Counseling

30. I’d Hit That Boxing Gym

29. Footloose Prosthetic Adjustments

28. Get a Loom You Two! Couples Weaving

27. The Massagonyst Massages For Men

26. Scroto-Rooter Vasectomy Clinic

25. Cat-Like Refluxes Feline Gastroenterologist

24. Escrow Zone! Escrow for Kids

23. Bidets and Confused Bidets For Beginners

22. Blood Bath and Beyond Red Bathroom Products

21. The Outlet Outlet Electrical Supplies

20. Stickers for Men

19. The Horse Renderer

18. Simply the Asbestos

17. Baby Got Back Problems Physical Therapy

16. A Fridge Too Far Used Appliances

15. Brazilianaire Currency Exchange & Waxing Salon

14. Yadda Yadda Dada Jewish Surrealist Art Gallery

13. Year-Round Halloween Store

Yet, it’s closed for Halloween.

12. Valley of the Doilies

11. Johnny Razor’s Totally Normal Candy Store

10. Pookah Pagoda Pookah Shell Warehouse

9. Butt Stuff Underwear Outlet

8. Cats a Rising Star Pet Improv

7. Don’t Go There Cautionary Sign Store

6. Don’t Go Chasing Waterbeds

5. Grindecologist Coffee Shop

4. Rude A-Bake-Ening

Cakes For People You Hate

3. Lady and the Clamp Hardware for Her

2. Resisting A Rest Sleep Therapy

1. Yes, Wire Hangers!

Photos via giphy.com, media.giphy.com