Every Single Store Pun From The ‘Bob’s Burgers’ Opening, Ranked
Every week ‘Bob’s Burgers’ features some poor slob who’s doomed to be replaced when his or her terrible business idea inevitably fails. They have some good names, though.
Every town in America has that one small spot in a strip mall that simply can’t seem to stay in business. No matter which entrepreneur puts out his shingle in that doomed location; a mere presence within those four walls is enough to seal any enterprise’s fate. FOX’s celebrated animated sitcom Bob’s Burgers has taken this idea to it’s most pun-filled extreme with The Store Next Door, a Simpsons-style gag that sees the shop to the left of Bob’s failing hamburger business change every single week.
If you’re a fan of wordplay, The Store Next Door is a weekly treat. Though, some names are clearly better-spun than others. Here, to end what must assuredly be a fierce, yet completely secret debate over which titles work best, is every Store Next Door from Bob’s Burgers, ranked.
100. P.F.E.T.A
A play on P.E.T.A. … Don’t worry, they get better.
99. Break-A-Bear Teddy Bear Disposal
98. SYNTHESIZERS! SYNTHESIZERS! SYNTHESIZERS!
97. Earth, Wind, and Tires
96. The Nightlight Zone
95. That’s A-Door-A-Bell Doorbells
94. Chris’s Brisses
93. Rocky Refuge Raccoon Sanctuary
92. Miles of Vials
91. Cane You Dig It? Candy Cane Outlet
90. Betty’s Machetes
89. Gift Rappers Free Style Gift Wrapping
88. Kookah for Hookah
87. STD B-Gone! FREE CLINIC
86. Happily Ever Actor Casting Agency
85. A Unicycle Built For Two: Tandem Unicycles
84. I’ve Got Crabs Hermit Crab Emporium
This is actually the only Store Next Door that’s survived for more than one episode.
83. Sit and Spin Pottery
82. Takes All Rinds Composting Center
81. North by North Vest
80. RENT REDUCED: Crime Scene Special
79. You Cant Handle the Ruth Baseball Cards
78. Meet the Patents Patent Attorney
77. Wolf in Cheap Clothing Discount Pet Apparel
76. Extra Moist Yoga
75. Tire-Rhea
74. Maxi Pads Large Apartment Rentals
73. Colonial Baloney
72. The 100 Cent Store
71. Flip Your Wig Reversible Hairpieces
70. That’s Improv-able Improv Theater
69. You’re Missing the Poinsettia
68. Tandemonium: All Your Tandem Bike Needs
67. Annie Get Your Gum
66. Trot’s All Natural Fertilizer
65. Cupid’s Stupid Divorce Attorneys
64. Miracle on 34th Sheets
Sheets and bedding in 34 colors!
63. Carl’s Pre-Owned Indoor Outhouses
62. Our Carpets Match Our Drapes Home Furnishings
61. Bass Drum Emporium
Wins because its secondary sign reads: “The only 24-hour drum shop in town!”
60. Regret Me Not Tattoo
59. Nothin’ But Notaries
58. Little Shop of Hulas
57. Tankin’ it To the Streets Tank Top Shop
56. Granny Packs Luggage For Seniors
55. Dr. Rangelove Stove Store
54. Talk To The Hand Glove Store
53. Get Off My Back Tramp Stamp Removal
52. Nice Knockers Elegant Door Knockers
51. ATTEMPTED CRÊPE French Cooking School
50. Fire Distinguishers
Put out Your Fire With Flair!
49. Hannibal’s Dead Animals Taxidermy
48. A Sight For Sore Thighs Massage Parlor
47. Quilty As Charged Quilt Shop
46. Uncle Marty’s Breast Pumps
45. Shelfies Pictures of Shelves
44. A Ton In the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes
43. Wigs Wigs Wigs! (And Socks)
42. The Seven Year Itch Couples Dermatology
41. The Way We Grr Dog Trainers
40. Meth I Can! Methadone Clinic
39. Napoleon’s Complexion: Skin Care For Little People
38. Does Your Face Hurt? Beauty Supplies
37. Elliot’s Smelly Bits Potpourri Shop
“You Smelt It, We Dealt It!”
36. Fern, Baby, Fern Discount Fern Store
35. Magnum GI Colonoscopies
34. I Think Therefore I Jam: Profound Preserves
33. Nog Nog Who’s There? Egg Nog
32. Let’s Scissor! Collage Studio
31. Don’t Stop Bereaving Grief Counseling
30. I’d Hit That Boxing Gym
29. Footloose Prosthetic Adjustments
28. Get a Loom You Two! Couples Weaving
27. The Massagonyst Massages For Men
26. Scroto-Rooter Vasectomy Clinic
25. Cat-Like Refluxes Feline Gastroenterologist
24. Escrow Zone! Escrow for Kids
23. Bidets and Confused Bidets For Beginners
22. Blood Bath and Beyond Red Bathroom Products
21. The Outlet Outlet Electrical Supplies
20. Stickers for Men
19. The Horse Renderer
18. Simply the Asbestos
17. Baby Got Back Problems Physical Therapy
16. A Fridge Too Far Used Appliances
15. Brazilianaire Currency Exchange & Waxing Salon
14. Yadda Yadda Dada Jewish Surrealist Art Gallery
13. Year-Round Halloween Store
Yet, it’s closed for Halloween.
12. Valley of the Doilies
11. Johnny Razor’s Totally Normal Candy Store
10. Pookah Pagoda Pookah Shell Warehouse
9. Butt Stuff Underwear Outlet
8. Cats a Rising Star Pet Improv
7. Don’t Go There Cautionary Sign Store
6. Don’t Go Chasing Waterbeds
5. Grindecologist Coffee Shop
4. Rude A-Bake-Ening
Cakes For People You Hate
