Before the internet, it wasn’t all that easy for people outside the United States to get their hands on officially licensed superhero toys — especially if they were in Asia. The difficulty is so bad, that it’s actually good – since there are entire fan sites dedicated to tracking down the hilarious bootleg superhero merchandise over the years. One could spend hours just digging through the myriad of knock-off toys based on Marvel, DC, Ninja Turtles, and other beloved franchises, and after perusing those databases of ridiculousness, we’ve come up with 10 of our favorites.

Tactical Spider-Man

Spider-Man + Assault Rifle

Ah yes, that one time Spider-Man realized that guns made his job way easier. it was a short-lived story arc for sure; but those memories will last us a lifetime.

“Come on,” as was apparently Spidey’s catch-phrase during this period, “enjoy the pleasure together.”

Terrifying Groot

Groot?

Remember that cute scene during the credits of Guardians of the Galaxy where Drax tries to catch a dancing baby Groot shaking his roots? This figurine tries to capture that moment, but bungles it in the scariest way possible. Since when does Groot have a wooden skull for a face?

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Wonder Woman Scissors

Wonder Woman Scissors

This is just inappropriate — and biologically impossible.

Specialman

Special Man

So, we know this knock-off toy’s name is a product of mistranslation. But imagine this: Specialman is a brilliantly written story about a hard-working hero whose attitude really shines, even if he’s less powerful than most. Expect to see him in next year’s Botman v Specialman: Evening of Righteousness.

Sense of Right Alliance

Sense of Right Allies

There are genuinely no words to describe how much I love the Sense of Right Alliance. This is the best thing in the world. Evildoers beware the wrath of Batman, Superman, a Rust-eze sponsored car and Shrek!

Transmogrifiers

Starholler

Copyright laws in other parts of the world exist in a sort of gray area. While some of these toys were illegally made, it’s very hard to prosecute every case, not to mention difficult when the production factories are located in said overseas country. That’s why we have gems like Starholler, Rescue Helicopter (NEW!). Starholler sounds a whole lot less intense than Starscream, don’t you think? Maybe he’s his cousin from the flyover part of the galaxy.

Planet Girl

Planet Girl

This just makes us sad.

POWER

Speedo Hulk

It’s really the special features of this toy that makes me pause. “Superior Powered”, “Top King”, and “Shine.” What does any of this mean? Are they words meant to awaken the beast buried deep inside a certain customer?

Spider-Men Team

Spider-Men

I know Marvel is really excited about getting the rights back to Spider-Man, but this is ridiculous.

Spader-Man

Spader-Man

Before he was Ultron, James Spader successfully auditioned for the role of Spider-Man. They changed the name for legal reasons.