All Humans Should Shave Their Armpits

Men and women must join this very important fight together. 

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About 10 years ago, I was reconsidering my deodorant regimen. I’m above average in the sweat department — nothing too outrageous — so I was looking at all angles: prescription-strength antiperspirants, natural stone or patchouli whatever from Whole Foods, even Botox. Arm-deep in Old Spice, CertainDri, and Mitchum, I came to a realization: Why not start at the source? Did this gross hair need to be getting in the way of the business at hand and, undoubtedly, warming things up? I began to trim my armpit hair. Now a changed man, I implore you all to do the same.

Brace yourselves for this hot take, people. We are not savages. We shave or trim our faces, legs, and everything in between. Why does the armpit not receive the attention it deserves, especially from men? Here’s the typical way of thinking: Many women shave their armpits. Some choose not to, for reasons stemming from the feminist movement to hippie culture to laziness to a unique look. Okay, cool, got it. Men, by and large, eschew trimming their armpit hairs. Why? Is what I’m saying “weird”? Do I make you uncomfortable? Does growing hair from out under your arm make you more masculine? I say to all of you now — no matter what sex you identify with — it’s time to shave them pits.

When I first started trimming, I noticed less sweat, yes, but a remarkable comfortability. Like Seinfeld when he starts going after his chest, I couldn’t stop. I made sure to trim every few weeks with an electric shaver. Then, a few months ago, I went all in: I razed those bad boys bare with a blade. And I’m never going back.

Call me “girly” or whatever you please, but it isn’t about aesthetics. If it sounds odd to you, then consider: The bare pit more pleasing to the touch and feels noticeably cooler on a breezy day. There are disgusting, crooked hairs that grow out of your underarms only to help produce sweat and, then, absorb the stench. And you’re keeping them around? For what? Tradition? Nonsense. All men and all women must grab a razor, go to town, and be neanderthals no more. Trust me on this.