I went to Catholic school my whole life. We were constantly on retreat. There was much of what you’d expect: prayer circles, apologies, candlelit everything, trust falls. But, every so often, creativity crept in and us kids in khakis and polos got a surprise. This happened several times — from grade school into high school — when we were asked to write a letter to our future selves. When I received the letters years later — at another retreat, naturally — I had completely forgotten about writing them. I remember one that was fairly insightful and another where I found my past self to be a little prick who made fart jokes and used words like “hella” without irony. Over at FutureMe, you can mimic this process by sending your future self an email, be it cerebral or flatulent.
FutureMe explains its mission thusly:
“Usually, it’s the future that will reflect back on the present. We decided to flip that around.
“So send your future self some words of inspiration. Or maybe a swift kick in the pants. Or just share some thoughts on where you’ll or what you’ll be up to in a year, three years…more? And then we’ll do some time travel magic and deliver the letter to you. FutureYou, that is.”
One of the best features of the site — which, during its 15 years and boasts of over 4.2 million letters sent — is its collection of public letters that have been sent from the past. You can browse through notes that have been sent to today — right now — and get ideas for how you might craft a letter to yourself. It will also remind you that many people need to go back to rudimentary vocabulary and spelling classes.
Without further ado, here’s the verbal time capsule I crafted for myself and sent to January 6th, 2021:
Photos via Getty Images
It’s the day after your 38th birthday, you old bastard. Unless I got that math wrong. I never was that great at math.
Whoa 2021! Do you have hoverboards? But, like, Back to the Future II hoverboards and not the annoying “hoverboards” that are around today? I bet those will be gone. I wonder what else will be gone.
Will I still be alive? If not, who handles this email? Does Google still receive emails after someone dies? I’ll have to look into that.
I wonder if my parents will still be alive. I wonder if I’ll marr and if I’ll have any kids. If I’m not, my parents will probably be dead from the disappointment.
I wonder what kind of weird job you’ve found for yourself.
I wonder about global warming, who the president is, terrorism, and if Colorado Rockies have stopped sucking.
Well, that’s about it. I bet your old farts are hella gross.