Yo, Uniqlo, Just What Is HEATTECH?

The Japanese retailer says it can make you warmer this winter. Oh, realllllllly?

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Since 2003, Uniqlo has been saying that it’s got a superior technology for long underwear. As the temps drop, we feel the nip. The nip creeps into offices, apartments, and homes. Shorts are out, pants are in. And the inevitable is on the horizon: Thermal season. A bunch of farmers or some shit are saying this could be a long, cold winter. So, we demand the warmest threads. Does Uniqlo have the high tech answer to our shivering problems? Here’s what they say:

The world needed a better solution to the cold and UNIQLO decided to find it by challenging common sense. After years of working with world-class textile manufacturer Toray and creating over ten thousand samples, we came up with a totally new material to combat the cold.
This solution came in the form of a cutting-edge fabric which takes body heat and stores it within air pockets deep within the fibres to keep the wearer warm. This is HEATTECH.
The connotation with ‘thermal wear’ has always been thickness. But UNIQLO turned this on its head and asked the question: Why not make it as thin as possible? This formed the basis of HEATTECH. With garments as thin as 0.55mm, you can keep the warmth closer than ever.

And, now, they’ve busted out a HEATTECH Extra Warm, which “features approximately 1.5 times the heat retention than original HEATTECH.” And here’s what it’s made of:

Body: 57% acrylic, 25% rayon, 14% polyester, 4% spandex
Rib: 68% acrylic, 29% rayon, 3% spandex.

That’s definitely different than, say, your average Fruit of the Loom thermal, which lamely reports just a ho-hum 60% cotton and 40% polyester program. That’s not high tech, FOTL!

So, does HEATTECH actually work? Most say yes.

That dude looks legit. #ThinAndWarm amiright? Also, guess what? HEATTECH is pretty cheap. Most items sell for less than $20. So, give it a shot. You’d even be helping an ailing company out in the process. So, without further ado, here are the top situations in which to wear yourself some HEATTECH thermals:

  1. At a Green Bay Packers home game when you’re the guy who ices down all the beer.
  2. You’re a woman who works in an office.
  3. Under your zombie Donald Trump Halloween costume.
  4. You happen to be a White Walker.
  5. You’re starring in a 1989 Juicy Fruit commercial.
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