cats
cat

Having a cat is a non-stop party. Cat ownership guarantees companionship, judgmental stares while you house a burrito after getting in from work, and ceaseless scratches all up your arm for the rets of eternity. It rules.

One tricky thing about cats is keeping them occupied. They’re smart. They’re savvy. They get bored easily and tear up your couch. They need to be busy, stimulated, and, above all, they need to not smell like poop. We have all the very best stuff, recommended by cat owners and internet commenters alike, that’ll keep your feline friend happy forevermore or until it gets bored again.

catit digger
catit fountain

9. Catit Fountain

Cats are weird as hell about drinking water, and smart people say moving water encourages them to drink more. This one looks like a pretty flower, which is a definite upgrade from a chrome bowl on the floor of your kitchen. Amazon, $29.99

cat dancer

8. Rainbow Cat Dancer

Described by multiple people I talked to as "the greatest cat toy ever", this is just some rainbow fabric on a stick, but, I don't know, man, they go bananas for it. Try it on even the most humorless of cats. Amazon, $3.89

petsafe bolt

7. PetSafe Bolt Interactive Laser Cat Toy

One of the very best things about living with a cat is lovingly tormenting them by making them chase a red dot they will NEVER CATCH NOR UNDERSTAND. If you ever get tired of waving a laser pointer around until your cat runs into a wall, try this funky gadget, which whizzes a dot around for you. Amazon, $17.95

arm and hammer litter

6. Arm & Hammer Odor-Sealing Litter

Resident Inverse cat expert, Rae Paoletta has told me this is some "very good cat litter," and who am I to disagree with her?  Amazon, $19.99

catit digger

5. Catit Senses 2.0 Digger

This'll keep them busy for hours. Just toss tome treats into the little tubes and watch them get all introspective while they dig out food pellets. Amazon, $12.99

chili cat toy

4. Chili Catnip Toy

A cat toy filled to the brim of CAT DRUGS. Use responsibly, cats. Amazon, $2.69

cat face scratcher

3. Face Scratcher

Cats love jamming their face into just about any random shit they can find. Give them the attention and face-scratch of their life with this handy little device. Amazon, $6.99

oster cat bed

2. Oster Sunny Seat Cat Bed

Encourage the natural instincts of your cat, and ruin its life by allowing it to watch the birds flying outside all day, with this window seat that can accommodate up to 50 pounds! Amazon, $15.99

track cat toy

1. Tower of Tracks Cat Toy

I would play with this and I'm a human man. Amazon, $9.69

mack's earplugs

BONUS: Mack's DreamGirl Earplugs

Don't ask me why, but my cat loves these things more than any other item or person she has ever come across. Her name is Lola and she's a genius and very ahead of the curve, so I bet your cat will love these, too. Amazon, $9.71