North Korea are the kings of good timing. According to their always-reliable state-run news agency, a North Korean company called the Korea Pugang Pharmaceutic Co., Ltd conveniently claimed it has developed a miracle injection to help its contentious brethren in South Korea cure its outbreak of MERS, which has led to the quarantine of over 2,000 people there and killed at least 24 (and also led the WHO to issue a statement asking people not to drink camel pee).
If there’s one thing to know about North Korea, it’s that everything they say is always definitely 100 percent completely true.
According to the director of the company, Dr. Jon Sung Hun, the injection is a complex compound comprised of rare earth elements and ginseng, and has no adverse side effects. If you’re still skeptical of this manna from North Korean heaven, rest easy knowing the injection has been through rigorous clinical trials dating back to 1989.
The Kumdang 2, which makes you wonder what happened to Kumdang-1, is said to not only eradicate MERS but a surprisingly extensive laundry list of other diseases and ailments as well. Once you’ve gotten over MERS from a Kumdang 2 injection, then step up to the needle and get rid of these too:
- Allergic skin diseases
- Injuries by burn, freezing and electric shock
- Drug addiction
- Bird Flu
- Gastric hemorrhages and cramps
- Heart Disease
- Liver Disease
- Spontaneous Gangrene
- Hepatitis A-G
- Venereal Diseases
We know what you’re thinking: Where can I get my hands on some of this sweet, sweet Kumdang-2?! Not to worry, the site recommends going to KoreaBud.com (which doesn’t seem to work, by the way), or to contact their Russian dealers. That all sounds perfectly acceptable and not shady in the slightest.
Despite the exhaustive text on the website, it goes without saying that this stuff probably doesn’t have any real scientific merit unless you want to get hopped up on ginseng, but you’ve gotta hand it to Kim Jong-un and his crew. Those guys know how to make headlines.