Patently Absurd: The Ultimate in Tuck Technology

Shirt slippage has met its overly complicated match. 

USPTO/Isaacson ,   et al

What’s more embarrassing than a shirt that keeps getting untucked? Nothing, not even robo-briefs. That’s why New Yorkers Kasandra Isaacon and Kim Vanyo created the “shirt hold-down undergarment” in 2013. Obesity epidemic be damned, shirts were gonna stay tucked.

The special undergarment has loops for days, which might be why it took some four years to approve. The loops were attached to clasps that stretched from the undergarment, which could take the form of “a panty, a boxer brief, a brief, a thong, a boy short, a tanga, and a bikini underwear,” inexorably shirtward.

Isaacon and Vanyo point out in their patent application that soldiers and cops need to keep their uniforms tucked at all times, and that elastic bands that stretch from a shirt to socks lead to chaffing. Why this was the default option for anti-untuck technology for so long is baffling, but the chaffing certainly sounds believable. 

The only other downside we can think of, beyond having to fiddle with the tops of your underwear in public should something go wrong? The dramatic-gesture-induced self-wedgie. Wave your hands in the air! Why are you making that weird face?