Just as Nearly-Headless Nick celebrates his Death Day in Harry Potter, the real world celebrates Severus Snape’s birthday. In honor of the occasion, Pottermore has released a series of summaries of what the Harry Potter books would look like from Snape’s perspective.

Snape, as we know, is man of contradictions, which is on full display here. He’s kind of a dick yet also a romantic; he’s a murderer and a sensitive soul; a hero and a man in desperate need of shampoo.

And honestly, these Pottermore renditions deserve their own movies, because they read like Wicked mixed with spy novels.

Here’s a sampling from Severus Snape and the Goblet of Fire, in which the narrative becomes an intriguing high-stakes spy story:

As Hogwarts celebrated the return of the Triwizard Tournament, Snape had bigger fish to fry. Cometh the hour, cometh the Severus. Upon Dumbledore’s request, Snape ended the story by embarking on a dangerous, top-secret mission: to once again join the Death Eaters, and become a double agent.

And from Severus Snape and the Order of The Phoenix, which emphasizes his status as a misunderstood “villain:”

Nonetheless, he aided Harry multiple times throughout the year: giving Dolores Umbridge fake Veritaserum; lying that he had run out of it when pressed for more; passing on Harry’s message about Sirus’s capture to the Order of the Phoenix; and therefore deducing that he had walked into a trap at the Ministry. Despite all his efforts, everyone still thought he was the worst.

We can only assume that plans are in the works to turn this into its own seven-movie series or a stage play a la Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. At the very least, if it turns out Credence in Fantastic Beasts is his grandfather, Snape will see the spotlight again.

Photos via Flickr / juliooliveiraa