It’s about time we all admit that traditional Christmas songs are boring AF. We’ve listened to the same five Christmas songs over and over for the past century. And this year, as we sit around the Christmas tree pretending to like each other, it wouldn’t hurt to switch things up a bit. Your grandmother might not enjoy it, but screw her, right?
It’s a new era, so your Christmas lineup might as well include a mix of heavy rap music and punk rock. So be a Scrooge and throw on your own personal mix of new Christmas classics that the whole family can enjoy, sort of. Watch in joy as your father cringes from the cursing and overt sexual references. Isn’t that the reason for the season, after all?
1. “Christmas in Harlem” — Kanye West, Cam’Ron, Jim Jones, Vado, Pusha T, Musiq Soulchild, CyHi Da Prynce, Teyana Taylor and Big Sean
“Okay my white girl Veronica / Black girl Monica / Got me celebrating ChristmaHanuKwanzaaka.” Released as part of Kanye’s GOOD Friday music series in 2010, the song has been a Christmas staple since its release. The extended version is not available on YouTube and you will have to do some digging to find the original, CDQ version. But, it is definitely worth it.
2. “All I Want for Christmas is You” — My Chemical Romance
Although YouTuber oneboredjeu Mashup recently decided to do a My Chemical Romance/Mariah Carey mashup of “All I Want for Christmas is You” and “Welcome to the Black Parade,” My Chemical Romance already did a cover to the popular Mariah Carey song in 2005. It’s an emo kids’ Christmas come true.
3. “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” — DMX
In 2012, DMX went viral with his rendition to the classic song about a red nosed reindeer. With his famous “What!” ad-lib, this version has been shared every holiday season since its creation.
4. “Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass” — All Time Low
Released in 2011, this song was on Dirty Work, the fourth studio album from the pop rock band. If you’re trying to get over that girl that broke your heart once cuffing season began, this song is for you.
5. “Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas” — Eazy-E
Leave it up to Eazy-E to create one of the most vile Christmas songs ever, complete with sounds of fellatio, gunshots, and all the cursing wrapped into one package.
6. “Won’t Be Home for Christmas” — Blink-182
This song stayed at No. 1 in Canada for six consecutive weeks. It did not charge anywhere else, but we all know that the Canadians know what is best.
7. “The Night Santa Went Crazy” — Weird Al Yankovic
The king of parody music, Weird Al Yankovic makes a song about Santa literally killing all of his elves and reindeer. It is so vividly detailed that it will likely creep you out. Enjoy your Christmas meal as you listen to Weird Al sing about Santa eating his reindeer as if they were chicken.
8. “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out” — Fall Out Boy
Because you definitely require more music about being bitter to your ex for leaving you before the holidays.
9. “Deck Da Club” — Ying Yang Twins
An ode to the Christmas classic “Deck the Halls” that is guaranteed to make somebody at the Christmas party start twerking.
10. “This Season’s Upon Us” — Dropkick Murphys
If one thing is certain, Christmas brings a lot of fake smiles and shade among family members. Dropkick Murphys remind us all how much being around our family during the holidays sucks.
Photos via Tenor