What will this two-handed kitchen robot do first: poison us, or take our jobs?

The odds of eco-extinction versus robot uprising are about 50/50 these days.

Humanity has quite the death wish. We are certain of this for a variety of reasons, but none speak to our Freudian compulsion for self-destruction more than our species’ insistence on continuing to advance our robots to the point where they take our jobs, then our freedom, then our actual lives. The latest evidence of our wanton technological progress? This two-armed kitchen robot which can cook two dishes simultaneously. In this case — a medium-rare ribeye steak alongside a sweet potato, coconut and chili soup. Watch the future Food Network host in action below:

Moley Robotics, “makers of the world’s first robot kitchen,” unveiled its new, bi-armed monstrosity today, promising the mechanical servant will “maximize efficiency” and make “robot-cooked dinner parties a thing of the future.” Moley robotic kitchens are apparently individualized and “bespoke” projects, but generally include “state-of-the-art robotic arms, amply dexterous hands, and a full set of smart kitchen appliances, cookware and utensils that have been developed for both robot and human use.”

So, how much will the nightmare robot kitchen set you back? Apart from the ability to sleep soundly at night, it will also cost consumers at least £248,000 (or just over $345,000). That’s a lot of money to get stabbed or poisoned by a robot, but to each their own, we guess.

Designed to do it all — “Not only does the robot cook complete meals, it tells you when ingredients need replacing, suggests dishes based on the items you have in stock, learns what you like and even cleans up surfaces after itself,” Moley promises, adding it will eventually be able to make over 5,000 dishes from fresh ingredients... which certainly sounds pretty nifty if we weren’t so sure those “robotic arms” were strong enough to strangle us as we try out their medium-rare steaks.

“Cheaper” models are in the works — Of course, the robot’s designers aren’t content with simply providing another avenue of excess for the uber-wealthy; they also have their eye on human jobs, too. Moley notes a commercial kitchen model is also being developed “that will be suitable for hotels, restaurants, hospitals and care-homes, where healthy fresh food can be in demand 24-hours-a-day.” Less in demand? Two disembodied robot arms making a bunch of senior citizens banana pudding.