Brush your teeth in 30 seconds flat with this Kickstarter project

The CleanFreak auto-brush promises to thoroughly brush all your teeth in only two steps.

Despite the dental marketplace being heavy laden with all manner of electric and smart toothbrushes, subscription-based teeth-cleaning gadgetry, and novel approaches to making your morning mouth routine “fun," the amount of time needed to properly avoid oral woes has stayed roughly the same — approximately two minutes, twice a day. Throw in some flossing there like your dentist always says you should, and you can draw each session out to around five minutes. CleanFreak wants to save you from wasting that much of your life on something so mundane.

“CleanFreak is the only truly autonomous brush,” states the strangely sexual promo video on the company's Kickstarter campaign page. Whatever it is, it doesn't look like something we should be using in front of youngsters.

Our thoughts exactly, Dr. Claude.CleanFreak / Kickstarter

Alleviates your brushing blindspots — Using “flexible, medical-grade silicon with nylon bristles,” CleanFreak’s automatic toothbrush can reportedly clean around 93% of plaque in a user’s mouth, compared to the estimated 42% one gets with a manual brush, which is pretty impressive, if true. The one serious design flaw, though? You have to use it for 15 seconds on your top or bottom teeth, then turn it around and repeat to ensure you clean them all. We'd really prefer something double-sided so we could hit all of our pearly whites in one go.

“With zero hand movement required, minimal mouth opening, and a flexible mouthpiece, you’ll get maximum comfort with each brushing experience,” the CleanFreak team explains. You read that correctly, folks? “Minimal mouth opening!” Where do we sign up? On the Kickstarter page, that's where.

Coming to mouths in February 2021 — We're going to have to be a little patient, though. Delivery is only expected in February 2021, but that gives us plenty of time to wear out our current, archaic, manual mouth-stone polisher. The CleanFreak campaign has already raised over $170,000, which is well above its initial goal of $25,000, which speaks volumes about how many people want the sort of solution its peddling.

Okay, look. We’re probably as weirded out by the whole thing as you are, but hey, it’s a pretty novel approach to cleaning your maw. The gizmo is electric, to boot, with approximately two weeks’ worth of brushing on a single charge.

"Easy to juice up."CleanFreak / Kickstarter
Ripe for Photoshop pranksters.CleanFreak / Kickstarter
The look of a man thrilled at how much time he's saving.CleanFreak / Kickstarter

A price that's hard to swallow— CleanFreak’s base model is set to sell for $199 when it hits retail, although early backers can cop one for $99 if they place an order before the Kickstarter concludes next week. For $198, you can get two CleanFreaks, two replacement heads, and two charging stations, which is also about 50-percent less than its full price once it hits markets around February next year.

But really, it’s a small price to pay for a weird, overly large, somewhat-sexual, electric toothbrush that will, if nothing else, prompt all sorts of questions from any visitors who happen to spot it in your bathroom.