The FCC finally admits in-flight personal phone calls are a terrible idea

It only took them seven years to reaffirm their original position.


Back in 2013, the FCC for some reason announced it would move to consider allowing travelers to make personal phone calls on aircraft flying above 10,000 feet. This was a bad idea, and everyone involved should still feel bad for even entertaining the idea. Like, can you even imagine that kind of mile-high hell? Good God. Now, nearly seven years and hundreds of public comments on the matter later, the government organization has officially stated its verdict: "LOL, nvm u guyz. Our bad."

Pretty much everyone hated the idea — Alright, so we paraphrased what the Federal Communications Commission actually said. In reality, the FCC's statement from November 27 partially reads, "There is strong opposition to the Commission’s proposals from many commenters in this proceeding, including our nation’s airline pilots and flight attendants, who argue that it 'fail[s] to address significant safety and national security concerns,'" which is a much better way to say it than our version, actually. Also, we assume they are referring to expert witness Balls McAssface of 5556 Screwyou Lane, New York City, AL, who submitted the following comment on June 5, 2014: "YO WE NEED THIS FUCKING SHIT NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! [sic]."

Balls McAssface: The national treasure we didn't know we needed, but now cannot live without. God bless you, McAssface, you upright citizen of America.

Well, almost everyone hated it — But not everyone lost their cool at the thought of some business bro manspreading next to you in the middle seat while bragging into their iPhone about 'how much tail' they got in Reno over the weekend. A few people actually argued in favor of freeing up the skies to obnoxious chatter, chatter that would undoubtedly cost people ridiculous amounts of extra fees to accomplish. As if it couldn't get any worse up there. So, we sure you may be wondering: who could be open to such capitalistic opportunism at the expense of their customers? We'll give you a hint: Boeing. It was Boeing that argued for rolling back the ban.

But hey, for once Corporate America seems to have lost a battle against the people. Between this, professional asshat Ajit Pai's upcoming resignation, and the promise of a Biden-led FCC administration, maybe we're finally rounding the curve on constant, unmitigated awfulness. Well. Wait a minute. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Oh well, we'll take what we can get these days.