Every so often you learn of news that just thoroughly and unequivocally ruins your day — an unexpected job loss, a particularly tragic event somewhere in the world, the death of a beloved pet. It’s never easy, but often it is unavoidable. This is not one of those times.
We are about to show you something that cannot be unseen, nor unlearned. This is your only warning to turn away before things get truly horrible. You have been warned... No, seriously. Last chance. Right here, right now. Okay, well, we tried our best. Here we go:
Kraft has officially teamed up with the ice cream connoisseurs at Van Leeuwen for — brace yourselves — a limited edition Mac & Cheese flavor soon to become available to heathens everywhere beginning this Wednesday. Those of you out there with no shame can visit a Van Leeuwen Ice Cream shop in person to try out a scoop, while those of us intent on still trying in vain to hide our culinary sins from God’s watchful eye can order a pint online for $12.
Seriously, people. What hath humanity wrought upon ourselves this time? Have we no sense of shame or decency? Like, for real, does the Hague know about this?
There is no justification for this combination — “We know that there is nothing more refreshing on a hot summer day than ice cream. That is why we wanted to combine two of the most iconic comfort foods to create an ice cream with the unforgettable flavor of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese we all grew up with,” Kraft Mac & Cheese’s senior associate brand manager, Emily Violett, attempts to justify to us in a press release. “Not only does it taste delicious,” Violett adds, “but it’s also made with high-quality ingredients and contains no artificial flavors, preservatives, or dyes just like our Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.”
That’s great and all, Emily, but we cannot simply let this one slide. Kraft Mac & Cheese ice cream is a bad idea, and everyone involved should feel bad about it. “But cheese is dairy, too. Maybe it will be kind of delicious,” some of you deniers may try countering, to which we say, “Shut up. The time for debate is over. This is war now.”