It has been said that there is no such thing as a good tweet. While that remains up for debate, no one would deny the existence of those that are unfathomably bad. This is the Input Bad Tweet Hall of Fame.
ENTRY #006 (TIE): Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos
There’s a very scientific, statistical corollary between the amount of wealth a man has and his proportionate level of being an absolute dillweed. Evidence offered in support of this relationship: Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos, the two of whom happen to respectively be the richest and next-to-richest human beings on the planet. We’ve already inducted Musk into our Bad Tweet Hall of Fame once already, but there’s nothing in the rulebook that says a jabroni can’t earn multiple inductions into ignominy.
Meanwhile, Bezos managed to near-simultaneously produce his own recent garbage tweets that equaled the Technoking’s drivel — and it is with this in mind that we are ready to award a tie entry for the two of them today. First up is Musk, with his literal shit post reply to Twitter’s current CEO Parag Agarwal.
Elon Musk’s poop may break the law — Musk, if you’ll recall, is covering for his recent cold feet about spending $44 billion to buy Twitter by claiming that he needs to investigate the social media platform’s spam issue further before committing to any deal. This is a patently absurd excuse, seeing as how there’s no way he wasn’t already aware of the website’s perennial, all-but-unavoidable problem. Twitter’s current CEO not-so-subtly called Musk out on this earlier today with a lengthy tweet thread explaining his company’s procedures and rationale behind their approach to spam accounts.
Regardless of your opinion on Twitter, Agarwal clearly and politely articulated the issues at hand in an attempt to clarify things with users and investors. Musk’s response? Troll him with the poop emoji — a move that might be in violation of a pre-existing non-disparagement provision in his acquisition deal. Congratulations, Musk. You pooped yourself.
Jeff Bezos sees a squirrel — Meanwhile, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is producing all kinds of flopsweat at the thought of having to both pony up a reasonable amount of tax money and contend with organized labor forces. On Friday, he retweeted President Biden’s message, “Let’s make sure the wealthiest corporations pay their fair share,” to combat historically high inflation by claiming that doing so... wouldn’t help the problem?
The White House quickly responded in kind, calling Bezos’ bullshit by pointing out that he really seems hesitant to part with any sliver of his exorbitant wealth. Not only that, but he appears particularly miffed that Biden met with labor organizers who included Amazon employees. “Look a squirrel!” Bezos tweeted earlier today, a dad joke of a claim that the Biden administration is trying to distract from the major issues at hand. He then tried to make the absurd claim that wealthy people have no hand in inflation — a declaration we do not have the energy to begin dismantling right now.
Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos will be remembered by humanity’s post-apocalyptic remnants not as inspirational, genius innovators, but absolute jagoff man-children who cannot handle the slightest bit of accountability or criticism. Pure Hall of Fame material if there ever was any.