Get a load of Maison Margiela's new 'cum shoes'

That drip worth splurging on.

Do not leave your sneakers sitting around the people at Margiela. They will do unholy things to them, as demonstrated by their latest offering making the internet rounds.

Officially, they're known as the Fusion sneakers. What they'll henceforth be known as is exactly what they are: cum shoes. Shoes with fucking cum on them. They are disgusting, an abomination to honest shoe-wearing folks across the globe. And given my — and any sane person's — reaction, this is likely exactly what Margiela wanted.

C'mon, is it really semen? — This is a shoe tailor made for the memes, with plausible deniability to match. The item description says "melted effect detail," but believe your own eyes when you see white jism splattered across a black shoe. "It's candle wax," a disingenuous designer might say. No it is not! It's goddamn spunk. A lunatic has super soaked this poor, unsuspecting sneaker with nut.


Ok, but I'm a wild person and want to buy them — Should you feel the need to extend your relationship with the cum shoe beyond gagging at the site of it online, it can be yours for $1,655. That's the same price as Margiela's other, non-coated sneakers, so no need to worry about an eruption upcharge. Yes, it's expensive, but it's a mere sperm in the ocean of ejaculate that it'll cost to repair your image after wearing them.